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if their memory did not secure an immortality of a twelvemonth by being nailed to the front of their houses.
Address.-Generally a string of fulsome compliments and professions lavished upon every king or individual in authority indiscriminately, in order to assure him of the particular, personal, and exclusive veneration in which he is held by those who would pay equal homage to Jack Ketch if he possessed equal power.
Advice. Almost the only commodity which the world refuses to receive, although it may be had gratis, with an allowance to those who take a quantity.
Adulterer. One who has been guilty of perjury, commonly accompanied with cruelty and hypocrisy; softened down by the courtesy of the world into a "man of gallantry, a gay person somewhat too fond of an intrigue; or a woman who has had a slip, committed a faux-pas," &c. Agnus-Castus or Chaste tree.-A shrub which might be advantageously planted in some of our fashionable squares.
Air. In the country an emanation from the pure sky, perfumed by the flowery earth; in London, a noxious compound of fog, smoke, putridity, and villainous exhalations.
Alderman.--A ventri-potential citizen, into whose Mediterranean mouth good things are perpetually flowing, although none come out. Ambiguity.-A quality deemed essentially necessary in diplomatic writings, acts of parliament, and law proceedings.
Ancestry. The boast of those who have nothing else to boast of. Antiquity. The youth, nonage, and inexperience of the world, invested, by a strange blunder, with the reverence due to the times, which are its true old age. Antiquity is the young miscreant who massacred prisoners taken in war, sacrificed human beings to idols, burnt them in Smithfield, as heretics or witches, believed in astrology, demonology, witchcraft, and every exploded folly and enormity, although his example be still gravely urged as a rule of conduct, and a standing argument against any improvement upon the "wisdom of our ancestors!"
Ape. The author of the fall of man according to Dr. Adam Clarke, who informs us that the tempter of our first parents was an ouranoufang, not a serpent.
Appetite. A relish bestowed upon the poorer classes that they may like what they eat, while it is seldom enjoyed by the rich although they may eat what they like.
Argument. With fools, passion, vociferation, or violence; with ministers, a majority; with kings, the sword; with men, of sense, a sound
Army. A collection of human machines, often working as the blind instruments of blind power.
Astrology is to Astronomy what alchemy is to chemistry, the ignorant parent of a learned offspring.
Avarice. The mistake of the old, who begin multiplying their attachments to the earth just as they are going to run away from it, and who are thereby increasing the bitterness without protracting the date of their separation.
Ay.-A moneysyllable occasionally productive of great benefit to those who utter it.
Babies. Noisy lactivorous animalculæ much desiderated by those who never had any.
Bachelor. Plausibly derived by Junius from the Greek word for foolish, and by Spelman from Baculus, a cudgel, because he deserves it. An useless appendage of society: a poltroon who is afraid to marry lest his wife should become his mistress, and generally finishes by converting his mistress into a wife.
Backward. A mode of advancement practised by Crabs, and recom.. mended to mankind in general by the Holy Alliance.
Bag.-A convenient receptacle for any thing wished to be secreted, and usually carried by people of doubtful character, such as pettifoggers, old-clothes-men, &c.
Buit.-One animal impaled upon a hook in order to torture a second for the amusement of a third.
Baker. One who gets his own bread by adulterating that of others. Ball.-An assembly for the ostensible purpose of dancing, where the old ladies shuffle and cut against one another for money, and the young ones do the same for husbands.
Bar, The independence of the.-Like a ghost, a thing much talked of and seldom seen.
Barrister.-One who sometimes makes his gown a cloak for browbeating and putting down a witness, who but for this protection might occasionally knock down the barrister.
Beauty. An ephemeral flower, the charm of which is destroyed as soon as it is gathered: a common ingredient in matrimonial unhappi
Bed. An article in which we are born and pass the happiest portion of our lives, and yet one which we never wish to keep. Beer, Small.-See Water.
Bellman's Verses.-See Vision of Judgment.
Benefit of Clergy.-See Tithes.
Bishop. The only thing that gains by a translation.
Blushing.-A practice least used by those who have most occasion for it.
Body.-That portion of our system which receives the chief attention of Messrs. Somebody, Anybody, and Everybody, while Nobody cares for the soul.
Bonnet.-An article of dress much used by fashionable females for carrying a head in.
Book.-A thing formerly put aside to be read, and now read to be put aside.
Box, Opera.-A small inclosure wherein the upper classes assemble twice a week for the pleasure of hearing one another, and seeing the music.
Brain. An autographical substance, which, according to the phrenologists, writes its own character upon the exterior skull in legible bumps and bosses.
Brass.--An ingredient in the countenances of various individuals, particularly those from a neighbouring island.
Brewer.-One who deals in deleterious drugs.
Breath.-Air received into the lungs for the purposes of smoking, whistling, &c.
Breech. The nether extremity by which ships, fishes, and boys are guided and directed.
Brief. The excuse of counsel for their own impertinence.
Buffoon.-One who plays the fool professionally, whereas a wag is an amateur fool.
Bugbear. That for which reform and improvement are used by those ho are interested in opposing them.
Bumper-toasts.-See Drunkenness, Ill-health, and Vice.
Butcher. See Suwarrow, Turkish commander, and the history of miscalled heroes, &c. &c.
Cabbage. See Tailor.
Cage. An article to the manufacture of which our spinsters would do well to direct their attention, since, according to Voltaire, the reason of so many unhappy marriages is that young ladies employ their time in making nets instead of cages.
Calf-The young John Bull.
Cannon. Military law; very often synonymous with canon, ecclesiastical law.
Cant. The characteristic of Modern England.
Canvass.-A linen cloth, of which considerable quantities are annually spoiled by painters, and obliged to be sent to Somerset House for sale. Capers. A remedy for boiled mutton, and low spirits.
Carbuncle. A fiery globule found in the bottom of mines and the face of drunkards.
Cardinal. A governor of the Romish church by whom popes are elected, and the cardinal virtues neglected.
Care. The tax paid by the higher classes for their privileges and possessions.
Carnage. The pastime of kings.
Cash.-A very good servant, but a bad master.
Celibacy.-A vow by which the priesthood in some countries swear to content themselves with the wives of other people.
Ceremony. All that is considered necessary, by many, in friendship and religion.
Challenge. Giving your adversary an opportunity of shooting you through the body, to indemnify you for his having hurt your feelings. Chamberlain, Lord.-The King's chambermaid.
Chameleon. -See House of Commons Rat, species innumerable.
Chaperon.-A married girl of sixteen protecting her maiden aunt of
Chaplain, Military.-One appointed to say grace at mess, and drink wine with the officers.
Chimera.—The danger of Catholic emancipation.
Christian, real.-One who considers his charity towards all other religion the best recommendation of his own.
Citizen. A fumivorous being, much given to making money and destroying turtle.
Coffin. The cradle in which our second childhood is laid to sleep. College. An institution where young men learn every thing but that which is professed to be taught.
Columbine. A slim young woman, who after dancing for a season or two in a pantomime generally marries a Peer.
Comedy.-Obsolete, see Farce.
Compliments. Dust thrown into the eyes of those whom we want to dupe.
Corruption.-Vide History of Boroughs.
Cottage. Supposed to be the abode of happiness by all except those who live in it.
Courage. The fear of being thought a coward.
Court. The headquarters of Ennui, where the worst passions are the best-dressed, pleasure most pursued and least found, and industry despised although idleness is felt to be a curse.
Cousin. A periodical bore from the country, who, because you happen to have some of his blood, thinks he may inflict the whole of his body upon you during his stay in town.
Cream.-In London, milk and water thickened with chalk and flour. Critic.-One who is incapable of writing books himself, and therefore contents himself with condemning those of others.
Cunning. The simplicity by which knaves generally outwit themselves.
Cygnet. A young swan. It may be doubted, however, whether Tom Dibdin was warranted in maintaining that the gentleman who lately addressed some verses to that bird in the Gentleman's Magazine, must have been a Scotch attorney, inasmuch as he was "a writer to the Cygnet."
A HOLY Softness glisten'd in her eyes,
As bright in tearful smiles the new-made bride
Now link'd to her for ever with the ties
Of Heaven's own blest cementing, and with sighs
AUTHORESSES AND AUTOGRAPHS.-NO. II.
RETURNING to our married ladies-Of those hitherto mentioned, the most successful efforts should seem to have been prompted by the calls of necessity rather than the impulse of genius. In Mrs. Sheridan, indeed, as we have recently been informed, the vis scribendi soon began to operate; but an early marriage checked her intellectual growth, and forced her talents into a new direction. The wit and fancy of women are so often held in subserviency to the inclinations of their liege lords, that neither surprise nor regret is expressed, when, like one of the most amiable women in Britain, a poetess renounces authorship to become the reader or amanuensis of a linguist or a metaphysician. It may, perhaps, be some compensation to such devoted wives, that they almost ingross the praises of their male contemporaries, by whom they are sure to be gratuitously invested with pretensions to talent that they never possessed; and, on no stronger ground than the negative merit of not having published at all, it is presumed they would, had they so pleased, have left at an immeasurable distance their more enterprising rivals. Many reasons might be surmised for this partial judgment: either Helen's wit sparkles in her eyes-and it is well known that beauty possesses all-persuasive eloquence--or the beau ideal even of books far transcends reality, or the latent capabilities of excellence form an attractive picture to the imagination. From whatever circumstance it arises, every man of genius has to cite, as the most intellectual female he ever knew, some lady of domestic habits, with whom the public have never had the least acquaintance, and on whose superlative perfections he may expatiate without the risk of being contradicted. To return to our married authoresses. If tradition may be credited, few women were more engaging than Mrs. Brooke, whose "Lady Julia Mandeville" is not yet forgotten, and whose "Emily Montague" till lately contained the most animated delineations extant of Canada. Then there was Mrs. Cowley, of whom it is notorious, that the first scene of her first comedy was written in the nursery; and who afterwards, improving on the sentimental school of O'Keefe, produced "The Belle's Stratagem," which still lingers on the stage A striking and melancholy disparity appears in the various passages of this lady's life, who, after remaining before the public some fifteen brilliant years, quitted the drama, sunk into neglect, and finally retired to the west of England, where she ended her days in privacy and peace, having long been separated from literary or fashionable associates. The mother of this lady had been the admired friend of Gay, who found in her society as much animation, and perhaps more sweetness, than in that of his brilliant Duchess of Queensbury. An ingenious writer has produced an amusing record of the calamities of authors; but we might in vain refer to that work for a picture of misery so vivid and touching, as is presented by the ill-fated Charlotte Smith, enthralled by a premature marriage with a man she never loved, and compelled by the exigencies of a rising family, to slight the invocation of Poetry, and to sacrifice to the ephemeral privations of necessity, the latent capabilities of excellence, the whispered promise of immortality. But in spite of this perversity of fortune Cowper has consecrated with his gratitude the meof "The Old Manor House," the soother of his lonely or anxious