Doubtless, "the hard work at the second table" suggested to Swift these "Thoughts on Hanging," in his Directions to Servants.

"To grow old in the office of a footman is the highest of all indignities; therefore, when you find years coming on without hopes of a place at court, a command in the army, a succession to the stewardship, an employment in the revenue (which two last you cannot obtain without reading and writing), or running away with your master's niece or daughter, I directly advise you to go upon the road, which is the only post of honour left you: there you will meet many of your old comrades, and live a short life and a merry one, and making a figure at your exit, wherein I will give you some instructions.

"The last advice I give you relates to your behaviour when you are going to be hanged; which, either for robbing your master, for housebreaking, or going upon the highway, or in a drunken quarrel by killing the first man you meet, may very probably be your lot, and is owing to one of these three qualities: either a love of good fellowship, a generosity of mind, or too much vivacity of spirits. Your good behaviour on this article will concern your whole community: deny the fact with all solemnity of imprecations: a hundred of your brethren, if they can be admitted, will attend about the bar, and be ready upon demand to give you a character before the Court; let nothing prevail on you to confess, but the promise of a pardon for discovering your comrades: but suppose all this to be in vain ; for if you escape now, your fate will be the same another day. Get a speech to be written by the best author of Newgate some of your kind wenches will provide you with a holland shirt and white cap, crowned with a crimson or black ribbon take leave cheerfully of all your friends in Newgate: mount the cart with courage; fall on your knees; lift up your eyes; hold a book in your hands, although you cannot read a word; deny the fact at the gallows; kiss and forgive the hangman, and so farewell; you shall be buried in pomp at the charge of the fraternity; the surgeon shall not touch a limb of you; and your fame shall continue until a successor of equal renown succeeds in your place.

SWIFT'S BENEVOLENCE.

Soon after Swift had left Moor Park, and accepted the prebend of Kilroot, as described at p. 9, Sir William Temple was anxious that he should return: he hesitated, when his resolution was determined by a circumstance characteristic of his exalted benevolence. In an excursion, he became acquainted with a clergyman, who proved to be learned, modest, well-principled, the father of eight children, and a curate at the rate of forty pounds a-year. Without explaining his purpose, Swift borrowed this gentleman's black mare, having no horse of his own-rode to Dublin, resigned the prebend of Kilroot, and obtained a grant of it for his new friend.

When he gave the presentation to the poor clergyman, he kept his eyes steadily fixed on the old man's face, which, at first, only expressed pleasure at finding himself preferred to a living; but when he found that his benefactor had resigned in his favour, his joy assumed so touching an expression of surprise and gratitude, that Swift, himself deeply affected, declared he had never experienced so much pleasure as at that moment. The poor clergyman, at Swift's departure, prevailed upon him to accept the black mare; and thus, with fourscore pounds in his purse, Swift again embarked for England, and resumed his situation at Moor Park, as Sir William Temple's confidential secretary.*

Mr. Monck Mason has, though with regret, thrown a good deal of doubt on the authenticity of this affecting anecdote; proving that the clergyman was neither an old man, nor that he had any family, and that Swift returned to Moor Park long before he resigned the prebend. Still, the anecdote, in the main, is probably true. Upon this transaction, long after Swift's death, malice or madness endeavoured to fix a construction fatal to his reputation. This was a charge of criminality towards a farmer's daughter, in consequence of which Swift resigned, and quitted the kingdom. Sir Walter Scott has taken great pains to disprove this atrocious charge, and has, upon the authority of the Rev. Dr. Hutchinson, of Donaghadee, stated the first circulator of the calumny to have been the Rev. Mr. P- -r, a successor of Dean Swift in the prebend of Kilroot. He told the tale at the Bishop of Dromore's, who committed it to writing: his authority he alleged to be a Dean Dobbs, who informed him that the informations were in existence. But Mr. Pr subsequently denied most obstinately ever having promulgated such a charge; and whether the whole story was the creation of incipient insanity, or whether he had felt the discredit attached to his tergiversation so acutely as to derange his understanding, it is certain the unfortunate Mr. P-r died raving mad, a patient in that very hospital for lunatics, established by Swift, against whom he had propagated this cruel calumny. Yet, although P- -r thus fell a victim to his own rash assertions, or credulity, it has been supposed that this inexplicable figment did really originate with Dean Dobbs, and that he had been led into a mistake, by the initial letters, J. S., upon the alleged papers, which might apply to Jonathan Smedley (to whom, indeed, the tale has been supposed properly to belong), or to John Smith, as well as to Jonathan Swift. It is sufficient for Swift's vindication to observe, that he returned to Kilroot after his resignation, and inducted his successor in face of the church and of the public; that during all his public life, in England and Ireland, where he was the butt of a whole faction,

* The Dean was a tolerable horseman, fond of riding, and a judge of the noble animal which he chose to celebrate, as the emblem of moral merit, under the name of Houyhnhnm.

this charge was never heard of; that when adduced so many years after his death, it was unsupported by aught but sturdy and general averment; and that the chief propagator of the calumny first retracted his assertions, and finally died insane.

SWIFT AND SIR ISAAC NEWTON.

It was believed by the Dean's friends that the office of flapper was suggested by the habitual absence of mind of Newton. The Dean told Mr. D. Swift that Sir Isaac was the worst companion in the world, and that, if you asked him a question, “he would revolve it in a circle in his brain, round, and round, and round," (here Swift described a circle on his own forehead,) "before he could produce an answer."

The Dean used also to tell of Sir Isaac, that his servant having called him one day to dinner, and returning, after waiting some time, to call him a second time, found him mounted on a ladder placed against the shelves of his library, a book in his left hand, and his head reclined upon his right, sunk in such a fit of abstraction, that he was obliged, after calling him once or twice, actually to jog him, before he could awake his attention. This was precisely the office of the flapper.

Though Swift disliked mathematics, it was not for want of capacity for that science. Sheridan one day gave him a problem to solve. He desired Sheridan to leave the room; and in about half an hour the Dean called out to him, heureka, heureka. Sheridan assured Mrs. Whiteway that Swift had resolved the problem in the clearest manner, though he, who was himself a good mathematician, had chosen, on purpose, a very difficult one.

The ardent patriot had not forgotten the philosopher's opinion in favour of Wood's halfpence. Under the parable of the tailor, who computed Gulliver's altitude by a quadrant, and took his measure by a mathematical diagram, yet brought him his clothes very ill made and out of shape, by the mistake of a figure in the calculation, Swift is supposed to have alluded to an error of Sir Isaac Newton's printer, who, by carelessly adding a cipher to the astronomer's computation of the distance between the sun and the earth, had increased it to an incalculable amount.

Swift's intimacy with Miss Barton, the niece of Sir Isaac Newton, will be found noticed at p. 119.

PERSON OF JULIUS CÆSAR.

In a

Ambrose Philips was a neat dresser, and very vain. conversation between him, Congreve, Swift, and others, the discourse ran a good while on Julius Cæsar. After many things had been said to the purpose, Ambrose asked what sort of a person they supposed Julius Cæsar was? He was

answered, that from medals, &c., it appeared that he was a small man, and thin-faced. Now, for my part," said Ambrose, "I should take him to have been of a lean make, pale complexion, extremely neat in his dress; and five feet seven inches high" an exact description of Philips himself. Swift, who understood good breeding perfectly well, and would not interrupt anybody while speaking, let him go on, and when he had quite done, said: "And I, Mr. Philips, should take him to have been a plump man, just five feet five inches high; not very neatly dressed, in a black gown with puddingsleeves."-Dr. Young, in Spence's Anecdotes.

THE DEAN OUTWITTED.

Lord Carteret was distinguished by a readiness of wit, with which he could retort and parry even the attacks of Swift. Of this we have already seen a classical instance at p. 49. And it is said, that, about the time when the proclamation was abroad against the Drapier's fourth letter, the Dean visited the castle, and having waited for some time without seeing the lord-lieutenant, wrote upon one of the windows of the chamber of audience these lines :

"My very good lord, 'tis a very hard task,

For a man to wait here who has nothing to ask."

Under which Carteret wrote the following happy reply:"My very good Dean, there are few who come here, But have something to ask, or something to fear."

On some such occasion, when Carteret had parried, with his usual dexterity, a complaint or request of Swift, he exclaimed, "What, in God's name, do you do here? Get back to your own country, and send us our boobies again!"

The following additional instances are related of the Dean being overmatched.

Swift, Arbuthnot, and Parnell, taking advantage of a fine frosty morning, set out together to walk to a seat Lord

Bathurst had about eleven miles from London. Swift, remarkable for being an old traveller, and for getting possession of the best room and bed, pretended, when they were about half way on their journey, that he did not like the slowness of their pace; adding that he would walk on before them, and acquaint Lord Bathurst with the object of their journey. To this proposal they readily agreed; but as soon as the Dean was out of sight, they dispatched a horseman by a private road, (suspecting their friend's duplicity,) to inform his Lordship of their apprehensions. The man arrived in time to deliver his message before Swift made his appearance. Lord Bathurst then recollecting that the Dean had never had the smallpox, thought of the following stratagem. Seeing him come up the avenue, his Lordship met him, and expressed his happiness at seeing him; "but I am mortified at one circumstance," continued Lord Bathurst, "as it must deprive me of the pleasure of your company: smallpox is raging in the house. I beg, however, that you will accept of such accommodation as a small house at the bottom of the avenue will afford you." Swift was forced to comply with this request; and in this solitary situation, fearful of speaking to any person about him, he was served with dinner. In the evening, however, Arbuthnot and Parnell, with Lord Bathurst, went down to release him, by informing him of the deception, and telling him that the best room and bed in the house were at his service. Swift felt much chagrined, but deemed it prudent to join in the laugh against himself: they all adjourned to the mansion, and there spent the evening most joyously.

At an inn, seeing a cook scraping a piece of mutton, Swift asked how many maggots she had got in it? "Not so many as are in your head," answered the wench smartly. The Dean was angry, and complained to her mistress.

Alderman Brown having undergone Swift's raillery in silence, for some time, at dinner, suddenly looked up from his plate, on observing Swift take apple-sauce to the wing of a duck, and exclaimed, "Mr. Dean, you eat your duck like a

goose,"

The Dean asked Kenny, a Carmelite priest, "Why the Catholic Church used pictures and images, when the Church of England did not ?" "Because," answered the priest readily," we are old housekeepers, and you are new beginners." Swift was so surprised and incensed that he left the room.