Laun. Ay, that she can. Speed. Item, She brews good ale. Laun. And thereof comes the proverb,-Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale. Speed. Item, She can sew. Laun. That's as much as to say, can she so? Speed. Item, She can knit. Laun. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock. Speed. Item, She can wash and scour. Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not be washed and scoured. Speed. Item, She can spin. Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living. Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names. Speed. Here follow her vices. Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues. Speed. Item, She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect of her breath. Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on. Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth. Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep. Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. Speed. Item, She is slow in words. Laun. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with't; and place it for her chief virtue. Speed. Item, She is proud. Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her. Speed. Item, She hath no teeth. Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. Speed. Item, She is curst. Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor. Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item, She is too liberal. Laun. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of: of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut now of another thing she may; and that I cannot help. Well, proceed. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults. Laun. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse that once more. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, Laun. More hair than wit,-it may be; I'll prove it: The cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next? Speed. And more faults than hairs,— Laun. That's monstrous: O, that that were out! Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well, I'll have her and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible, Speed. What then? Laun. Why, then will I tell thee, that thy master stays for thee at the north gate. Speed. For me? Laun. For thee? ay: who art thou? he hath stay'd for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him? Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast stay'd so long that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your loveletters! [Exit. Laun. Now will he be swinged for reading my letter. An unmannerly slave that will thrust himself into secrets! I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction. [Exit. SCENE II.-The same. A Room in the DUKE's Palace. Enter DUKE and THURIO; PROTEUS behind. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will love you Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight. Thu. Since his exile she hath despised me most, Forsworn my company and rail'd at me, That I am desperate of obtaining her. Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure Trenched in ice; which with an hour's heat Dissolves to water and doth lose his form. Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously. Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace, Duke. Thou know'st how willingly I would effect The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter. Pro. I do, my lord. Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant How she opposes her against my will. Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here. Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him. Especially against his very friend. Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage him Your slander never can endamage him; Therefore, the office is indifferent, Being entreated to it by your friend. Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it By aught that I can speak in his dispraise, She shall not long continue love to him. But say this weed her love from Valentine, It follows not that she will love Sir Thurio. Thu. Therefore, as you unwind her love from him, Lest it should ravel, and be good to none, You must provide to bottom it on me: Which must be done by praising me as much Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this kind; Because we know, on Valentine's report, You are already love's firm votary, And cannot soon revolt and change your mind. Upon this warrant shall you have access Pro. As much as I can do I will effect:- For Orpheus' lute was strung with poets' sinews; Visit by night your lady's chamber-window Duke. This discipline shows thou hast been in love. Let us into the city presently To sort some gentlemen well skill'd in music: I have a sonnet that will serve the turn To give the onset to thy good advice. Duke. About it, gentlemen. Pro. We'll wait upon your grace till after supper: And afterward determine our proceedings. Duke. Even now about it; I will pardon you. [Exeunt. ACT IV. SCENE I.-A Forest near MANTUA. Enter certain Outlaws. 1 Out. Fellows, stand fast; I see a passenger. 2 Out. If there be ten, shrink not, but down with 'em. Enter VALENTINE and SPEED. 3 Out. Stand, sir, and throw us that you have about you; If not, we'll make you sit, and rifle you. Speed. Sir, we are undone! these are the villains That all the travellers do fear so much. Val. My friends, 1 Out. That's not so, sir; we are your enemies. 2 Out. Peace; we'll hear him. 3 Out. Ay, by my beard, will we; For he's a proper man. Val. Then know that I have little wealth to lose; A man I am, crossed with adversity; My riches are these poor habiliments, Of which if you should here disfurnish me, You take the sum and substance that I have. 2 Out. Whither travel you? Val. To Verona. 1 Out. Whence came you? Val. From Milan. 3 Out. Have you long sojourn'd there? Val. Some sixteen months; and longer might have stay'd If crooked fortune had not thwarted me. 1 Out. What! were you banish'd thence? Val. I was. 2 Out. For what offence? Val. For that which now torments me to rehearse; I kill'd a man, whose death I much repent; But yet I slew him manfully in fight, Without false vantage or base treachery. 1 Out. Why, ne'er repent it, if it were done so. But were you banish'd for so small a fault? Val. I was, and held me glad of such a doom. 2 Out. Have you the tongues? Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy; Or else I often had been miserable. 3 Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar, This fellow were a king for our wild faction. |