The New Purchase

Flying visit.... Fording....Evil report confirmed.... Dear old political friends
absquatulated.... Desolation.... Farewells.... Bishop Shrub, Uncle John
and Mr. C. set out.... First glimpse of the prairie world.... Stopping to
hold meeting....getting into an odd scrape........ Wanting to, and not daring
.... Mr. C. laughs, whether the reader does or not.... Led by an abrupt
question into a very undignified ending....

............

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

........

Vincennes....Light and darkness.... Puritanical views dangerous to the re-

ligion of the Пλλ.............. Baleful effects of reading history forbidden by

Mother Mystery.... Meeting of Suckers, Pukes, and other natives....House

of Bishops....Dialogue on Swearing....Grave of a Soldier.......................................

CHAPTER XXXIX.

Going to Illinois with a Mister.... Patriarchal Sucker.... Arabian Nights....

Preface to an odd talk, during which Uncle John shuffles out.... His un-

christian revenge for the razor business.... Solemn league of offence and

defence....Attack on the enemy-how we conquered, and beat ourselves

....A sin to be scourged.... Homeward trail......................

CHAPTER XL.

...

....

Razorville.... Aboriginal Egyptian or Greek colony met with.... A non-

descript pony described.... The way to drive one.... What's better than to

live in clover.... Starting.... The way to follow two trails at once.... Led

into it....advantage of equal reasons.... Echo to the sense....Getting fur-

ther in....Advantage of the precise sort of Phrenology Bursting

through to an adventure.... Temptation resisted.... Escape from danger

....Old man Staffords....Getting into and out of it.... Prairie late at night

....Lone Woman.... How two beds were "tuk up.".... Disagreement be-

tween Uncle John and Mr. C.....Dialogue in two places at once.... Mr. C.

begs for information in fashionable grammar.... Four meals devoured at

once among the stars.... Snug........

CHAPTER XLI.

Change.... Christmas-joy in the morning--a messenger at night.... Woman

as she was and should be....A nobleman.... Homer's heroes imitated in

spite of modern critics..............................

...........

Augustan age of the Purchase.... New actor.... Chastisement.... Character

....Uncle Sam.... Big and Little recalled to memory, with a piece of Mr.

Carlton's mind.... An opening in 1800, and so forth... Master arrives....

Sprinkle of boy....Speech-naturally interrupted-resumed....Fixing....

Growlings....Liberty and eqality.... Compliments.... Dialogue on "trou-

sers," and consequence different from the reader's fears....A Yankee

trick....Getting used to it....

...............

CHAPTER XLIII.

A favourite doctrine badly understood from theory.... Paper models....The

People-universal-general-special--peculiar, &c. &c.... What the special

people did for the general people, and what the particular people said and

did about it.... The people's people advance.... A Grand Dignity with eight

tails!.... Board in session-his Rowdy Royalty's speech....Dr. Sylvan's

compound.... Why the Conscript Fathers do bullyism naturally and grace-

fully....History struts in new moccasins or buskins, and ends in a hell-a-

blow!........

...........

CHAPTER XLIV.

....

"What now?".... Girls!.... Eleven persons-ten and a half horses....Con-

trast....Ready--mounted-off! Screechings!--flappings Slower-

talking--eating....Slippery river...." Girls! and all!"-yes.... Dr. Hexa-

gon.... · Hey!.... Crossing-forgetting the legs.... Chattering. "Where's

pony?".

. Passage of Nut creek in a new line-dizzy

Crocket.... Preparing to digress..........

CHAPTER XLV.

....

.Neptune....

Big possum...."Do you want to see, &c.?".... Whip!-start!--go-o!....

"Well done, &c.".... Amazing effect of praise.... A true Indian trace....

Course by sunshine, yet not by the sun.... Sublimity...." Ay! ay! go on!"

....A new road, and new grammars, &c. ... The dry world.... All safe..... 106

CHAPTER XLVI.

Fresh start....One young lady.... A number of things told, but not narrated

....Romantic curtain.... What dispelled, and yet formed part of a dream

....Robert Dale Owen and diagrams.... Path to Tippecanoe !.... Pictur-

esque.... Sproutsburgh and Indian.... Blind path....Getting out the right

side of a slough.... Funeral tree!.... First glimpse of the field.... How the

author forgets himself, and turns out only a common man.... Where the

dead?.... What is this? with the squatter's tale...Tippecanoe described

...Squatter's story of the sentinel.... The departed President...." Joe

Davis," an old story revived---how he died!.... Farewell to....Poetry up to

fever heat at last, and breaks out in a battle....

111

CHAPTER XLVII.

Return to the Doctor's.... Setting out for home.... Detail before a skip, 100

yards wide and more---plausibility---circumnavigation... Skip performed unex-

pectedly....Remarkable coincidence in opinion of Aunt Kitty with the reader, 127

CHAPTER XLVIII.

Doubts dissipated....Dialogue about "bonnit.".... Character of Mr. Carlton-
resolves to imitate the Vicar..... Camp-meeting---some prosaic poetry---rea-
soning and inferences.... Amount of spiritual labour.... Master spirits---
Sprightly---Novus---anecdotes and sermons, which the reader may skip if he
can, and go on to the prayer on "moonshine".... Mızraim Ham and his mel-
low-drama.... Venerable old warrior, and the way to fire at the Devil....Mr.
Carlton almost knocked down himself!....Terrific fight between two, and

the way one made the Devil let go a grip.... The author goes away uneon-

verted himself, but gives a favourable testimony to the efficacy of camp-meet-

ings...

CHAPTER XLIX.

130

Love and matrimony!.... His "galling" expeditions.... How he was once caught

in a trap!.... Miss Brown.... Dialogue between Carlton and Glenville---a

double compound plot....Letter to Miss Smythe---letter to Miss Brown's papa

...." What luck?".... Catastrophe properly deferred by a Composition on

Hunting....Letter-and something else...."I told you so!"....A difficulty

and a promise...........

161

FIFTH YEAR.

CHAPTER L.

Clarence versus the Commonwealth....A march and other patent things....

Fortunate times!....Letter from Clarence to the author---recommended to

trustees of levelling schools.... Reminiscences of Clarence's Lectures....For-

eign....Amazing utility of colleges and churches!.... Take care, pedagogue!

A star in the ascendant---mistake in the nature of the Vox.... Squally....

Tom-cat.... Haw-buck.... Carlton's head-quarters—why · Condensation

and filtration of talks and dialogues.... Ned Stanley introduced in a "bust," 170

CHAPTER LI.

Arrival of the Major.... Danger to the State.... Castle-building interrupted....
A monster seen....Large crescit eundo....A procession through Пoxλos
....Dead-calm....speech.... Trial interrupted by a "hurraw!"....Major dis.

concerted....A proposal---followed by "bust"-ings.... Clarence makes a god

speak---thunder on the proper quarter.... Mr. Liebug....A question and an

swer...."Huh! haw!".... Talk between Ned and Carlton.... Ned in par-

lour....Consequence of administering patent twaddle in educating....Mr.

Brass, Sen., and Prof. Harwood---how settled....Quietude............

CHAPTER LII.

Exhibition....Mr. C. busy....Fixings.... Loss on shoes....Signals....Orches-

tral.... Blaze .Exclamations!....Cow-bell shaken---inaudible fiddles....

Primo....Secundo.... Triangle.... Speech interrupted---exhibition goes on...

Contrast in seven particulars between young men and young gentlemen, with

threat of farther infliction.... Two young men.... Fixed and wandering stars

....A heavy bet on one side.......................................

CHAPTER LIII.

How to spend a vacation in the Purchase....An abstract embodied and seen
marching by the author!....Grand party to explore a cave---invitations---ready
-starting-dignity let down....Solemn advice to persons, made up nicely by
milliners and other artists.... Things growing bigger, and why.... Mrs. Hun-
ter's directions.... Found Domore's report....Refusals ........`
.Why Polly
wouldn't, although Peggy would.... Backing one another before the rest....

....

181

192

What was not seen.... Squall prevented...."Hark! what's that?"....Going
down deeper, and coming back quicker....Retreat....Domore's policy- -his
apology...
.......... What came down---quick writing.... What retarded civilization a
whole year..................

Learning to spell.....................

CHAPTER LIV.

223

CHAPTER LV.

Married at last.... Incipient refinement---consequences.... Grand affair deter-

mined on---why---how---effect.... The time---room---company---misgivings....

"Shiver-ree"....Inside versus Outside....Performers---human, inhuman, and

superhuman....Something squealy in a parlor....True hog superior to all

others....Piggy-back....Scalp taken.... Danger---"knock 'em down!"....

Rescue....Difference between Hoosier-mobs and scum-mobs....Orpheus.... 224

SIXTH YEAR.

CHAPTER LVI.

....

How to oversee.... White crow.... A committee.... A party.... Curious cloud---

sneer! away!.... Horseback Churches.... Council of Nice.... Another

party....The Great-North-American-Republican-Horsefly! .... Mrs. Trollope

wanted....Scene---sticking on---sticking to it---wading out....Alone....

Dreams....Set over.... Wilderness.... Dialogues with Kate.... Mrs. King

....Something nice to eat....Off again....Lost-like.... Praise..

CHAPTER LVII.

A petition.... What Ned and Domore did.... Insidias Cutswell, Esq., ad hoo-

sierandum...........................

235

249

CHAPTER LVIII.

Wild pigeons....Ned's opinion of shot-guns.... They make their own snot....

Accidents.... Alarm and excitement....A question evaded....A bag and

string....Puzzled....Enlightened....Belittled.... Dialogues, and execration

of shot-guns.... Melancholy....

.......

253

CHAPTER LIX.

The King of Terror.... The dying one.... The two coffins.... Funeral train....

Reader!

SEVENTH YEAR.

CHAPTER LX.

Something new and prodigious!.... Mystic letters---branding....Hard riding---
blotted--puffs!--- (nervous)---a conversation.... Suspicious.... Resolved on a
believing spirit.... Leaky....Faces and consciences.... Cow-bells---crotch of
a tree---cows and procession.... Episodial about biggest college....Lights---
omens....Dreams not accounted for....................

263

CHAPTER LXI.

Particular introduction.... History and character....Story about a donkey....

How to roll up and down at once.... Fiction acknowledged..

CHAPTER LXII.

.................

275

Mystery defended.... Conjectures....How to use professors.... What Professor

Spunk would have done ... (Note).... A letter.... Several dialogues and two

or three scenes.... A resignation.... Refreshments in the next chapter....... 278

CHAPTER LXIII.