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UNCLE PETE'S COUNSEL TO THE NEWLY
M Y chil'ren, lub one anoder ; b’ar wid one anoder; be 11 faithful ter one anoder. You hab started on a long journey; many rough places am in de road; many trubbles will spring up by de wayside ; but gwo on hand an' hand togedder; lub one anoder, an' no matter what come onter you, you will be happy-for lub will sweeten ebery sorrer, lighten ebery load, make the sun shine in eben de bery cloudiest wedder. I knows it will, my chil'ren, 'case I’se been ober de groun'. Ole Aggy an' I hab trabbled de road. Hand in hand we hab gone ober de rocks; fru de mud ; in de hot burning sand; been out togedder in de cole, an' de rain, an' de storm, fur nigh onter forty yar, but we hab clung to one anoder; an' fru ebery ting in de bery darkest days, de sun ob joy an' peace hab broke fru de clouds, an' sent him bressed rays inter our hearts. We started jess like two young saplin's you’s seed a growin' side by side in de woods. At fust we seemed 'way part fur de brambles, and de tick bushes, an' de ugly forns—(dem war our bad ways)—war atween us, but lub, like de sun, shone down on us, an’ we grow'd. * We grow'd till our heads got above de bushes; till dis little branch, an’dat little branch-dem war our holy feelin's—put out toward one anoder, an’ we come closer an' closer togedder. An' dough we'm ole trees now, an' sometime de wind blow, an' de storm rage fru de tops, an' freaten to tear off de limbs, an' ter pull up de bery roots, we'm growin' closer an closer, an' nearer an' nearer togedder ebery day-an' soon de ole tops will meet; soon de ole branches, all cobered ober wid de gray moss, will twine roun' one anoder; soon de two ole trees will come togedder, an'
one another tia ole er en de tops Toots, we are hery days
grow inter one foreber-grow inter one up dar in de sky whar de wind neber'll blow, whar de storm neber'll beat; whar we shill blossom an' bar fruit to de glory ob de Lord, an’ in His heabenly kingdom foreber, Amen.
BETSY AND I ARE OUT.
DRAW up the papers, lawyer, and make 'em good and
stout, For things at home are cross-ways, and Betsy and I are
out,We who have worked together so long as man and wife, Must pull in single harness the rest of our nat'ral life.
“ What is the matter," says you? I swan! it's hard to
tell! Most of the years behind us we've passed by very well; I have no other woman-she has no other man; Only we've lived together as long as ever we can.
So I have talked with Betsy, and Betsy has talked with
me; And we have agreed together, that we can never agree; Not that we've catched each other in any terrible crime, We've been a gatherin' this for years, a little at a tinie.
There was a stock of temper we both had for a start; Although we ne'er suspected, 'twould take us two apart; I had my various failings, bred in the flesh and bone, And Betsy, like all good women, had a temper of her The first thing, I remember, whereon we disagreed, Was somethin' concerning heaven-a difference in our
creed; We arg’ed the thing at breakfast—we arg'ed the thing
at teaAnd the more we arg'ed the question, the more we
And the next that I remember was when we lost a cow; She had kicked the bucket, for certain—the question
was only–How? I held my opinion, and Betsy another had: Aud when we were done a talkin', we both of us was
And the next that I remember, it started in a joke; But for full a week it lasted and neither of us spoke. And the next was when I fretted because she broke a
bowl; And she said I was mean and stingy, and hadn't any
And so the thing kept workin', and all the self-same
way; Always something to arg'e and something sharp to say,– And down on us came the neighbors, a couple o’ dozen
strong, And lent their kindest sarvice to help the thing along.
And there have been days together-and many a weary
weekWhen both of us were cross and spunky, and both too
proud to speak;
And I have been thinkin' and thinkin', the whole of the
summer and fall, If I can't live kind with a woman, why, then I won't at
And so I have talked with Betsy, and Betsy has talked
with me; And we have agreed together that we can never agree; And what is hers shall be hers, and what is mine shall
be mine; And I'll put it in the agreement and take it to her to
Write on the paper, lawyer—the very first paragraph-
day, An it's nothin' more than justice that Betsy has her
Give her the house and homestead-a man can thrive
and roam, But women are wretched critters unless they have a
home. And I have always determined, and never failed to say, That Betsy never should want a home, if I was taken
There's a little hard money besides, that's drawin' tol'ra
I see that you are smiling, sir, at my givin' her so much; Yes, divorce is cheap, sir, but I take no stock in such ; True and fair I married her, when she was blithe and
young, And Betsy was always good to me, exceptin' with her
When I was young as you, sir, and not so smart, perhaps,
Once, when I had a fever—I won't forget it soon-
And if ever a house was tidy, and ever a kitchen clean, Her house and kitchen were tidy as any I ever seen; And I don't complain of Betsy or any of her acts, Exceptin' when we've quarreled, and told each other
facts. So draw up the paper, lawyer; and I'll go home to-night, And read the agreement to her and see if it's all right; And then in the mornin' I'll sell to a tradin' man I
knowAnd kiss the child that was left to us, and out in the
world I'll go. And one thing put in the paper, that first to me didn't
occur; That when I'm dead at last she will bring me back to her, And lay me under the maple we planted years ago, When she and I were happy, before we quarreled so.