that Silence for a song; Mr. Leathersides for a song " "As I was a walking upon the highway, I met "a young damsel"-Then what brings you here? says the parson to the ghost-Sanconiathan, Manetho, and Berosus-The whole way from Islingtonturnpike to Dog-house bar-Dam-As for Abel Drugger, Sir, he's damn'd low in it; my 'prentice boy has more of the gentleman than he-For murder will out one time or other; and none but a ghost, you know, gentlemen, can-Damme if I don't; for my friend, whom you know, gentlemen, and who is a parliament-man, a man of consequence, a dear honest creature, to be sure; we were laughing last night atDeath and damnation upon all his posterity by simply barely tasting-Sour grapes, as the fox said once. when he could not reach them; and I'll, I'll tell you a story about that that will make you burst your sides with laughing: a fox once-Will nobody listen to the song "As I was a walking upon the highway, I met "a young damsel both buxom and gay."-No ghost, gentlemen, can be murdered; nor did I ever hear but of one ghost killed in all my life, and that was stabbed in the belly with a-My blood and soul if I don't— Mr. Bellows-mender, I have the honor of drinking your very good health-Blast me if I do-dam--blood -bugs-fire-whizzblid-tit-rat-trip"-The rest all riot, nonsense, and rapid confusion. Were I to be angry with men for being fools, I could here find ample room for declamation; but alas! I have been a fool myself; and why should I be angry with them for being something so natural to every child of humanity? Fatigued with this society, I was introduced the following night to a club of fashion. On taking my place I found the conversation sufficiently easy, and tolerably good-natured; for my lord and Sir Paul were Vol. V. ૨ were not yet arrived. I now thought myself completely fitted, and resolving to seek no farther, determined to take up my residence here for the winter; while my temper began to open insensibly to the cheerfulness I saw diffused on every face in the room: but the delusion soon vanished, when the waiter came to apprise us that his lordship and Sir Paul were just arrived. From this moment all our felicity was at an end; our new guests bustled into the room, and took their seats at the head of the table. Adieu now all confidence; every creature strove who should most recommend himself to our members of distinction. Each seemed quite regardless of pleasing any but our new guests; and what before wore the appearance of friendship, was now turned into rivalry. Yet I could not observe that amidst all this flattery and obsequious attention, our great men took any notice of the rest of the company. Their whole discourse was addressed to each other. Sir Paul told his lordship a long story of Moravia the Jew; and his lordship gave Sir Paul a very long account of his new method of managing silk-worms; he led him, and consequently the rest of the company, through all the stages of feeding, sunning, and hatching; with an episode on mulberry-trees, a digression upon grassseeds, and a long parenthesis about his new postilion. In this manner we travelled on, wishing every story to be the last; but all in vain. "Hills over hills, and Alps on Alps arose." The last club, in which I was enrolled a member, was a society of moral philosophers, as they called themselves, who assembled twice a week, in order to show the absurdity of the present mode of religion, and establish a new one in its stead. I found the members very warmly disputing when I arrived; not indeed about religion or ethics, but about who had neglected to lay down his preliminary six-pence upon entering the room. The president swore that he had laid his own down, and so swore all the company. During this contest I had an opportunity of observthe laws, and also the members of the society. The president who had been, as I was told, lately a bankrupt, was a tall pale figure, with a long black wig; the next to him was dressed in a large white wig and a black cravat; a third by the brownness of his complexion seemed a native of Jamaica; and a fourth by his hue appeared to be a blacksmith. But their rules will give the most just idea of their learning and principles. I. We being a laudable society of moral philosophers, intends to dispute twice a week about religion and priestcraft. Leaving behind us old wives tales, and following good learning and sound sense and if so be, that any other persons has a mind to be of the society, they shall be entitled so to do, upon paying the sum of three shillings, to be spent by the company in punch. II. That no member get drunk before nine of the clock, upon pain of forfeiting three pence, to be spent by the company in punch. III. That as members are sometimes apt to go away without paying, every person shall pay six-pence upon his entering the room; and all disputes shall be settled by a majority; and all fines shall be paid in punch. IV. That six-pence shall be every night given to the president, in order to buy books of learning for the good of the society; the president has already put himself to a good deal of expence in buying books for the club; particularly, the works of Tully, Socrates, and Cicero, which he will soon read to the society. V. All them who brings a new argument against religion, and who being a philosopher and a man of learning, as the rest of us is, shall be admitted to the freedom of the society, upon paying six-pence only, to be spent in punch. VI. Whenever we are to have an extraordinary meeting, it shall be advertised by some outlandish name in the newspapers. SAUNDERS MAC WILD, president, ANTHONY BLEWIT, vice-president, his mark. WILLIAM TURPIN, secretary. ESSAY II. WE essayists, who are allowed but one subject at a time, are by no means so fortunate as the writers of magazines, who write upon several. If a magaziner be dull upon the Spanish war, he soon has us up again with the ghost in Cock-lane; if the reader begins to doze upon that, he is quickly roused by an eastern tale; tales prepare us for poetry, and poetry for the meteorological history of the weather. It is the life and soul of a magazine never to be long dull upon one subject; and the reader, like the sailor's horse, has at least the comfortable refreshment of having the spur often changed. As I see no reason why they should carry off all the rewards of genius, I have some thoughts for the future. of making this essay a magazine in miniature: I shall hop from subject to subject, and, if properly en couraged, I intend in time to adorn my feuille volant with pictures. But to begin in the usual form with A Modest Address to the Public. The public has been so often imposed upon by the unperforming promises of others, that it is with the utmost modesty we assure them of our inviolable design of giving the very best collection that ever astonished society. The public we honor and regard, and therefore to instruct and entertain them is our highest ambition, with labors calculated as well for the head as the heart. If four extraordinary pages of letter-press be any recommendation of our wit, we may at least boast the honor of vindicating our own abilities. To say more in favor of the Infernal Magazine, would be unworthy the public; to say less, would be injurious to ourselves. As we have no interested motives for this undertaking, being a society of gentlemen of distinction, we disdain to eat or write like hirelings; we are all gentlemen resolved to sell our sixpenny magazine merely for our own amuse- ment. Be careful to ask for the Infernal Magazine. Dedication to that most ingenious of all Patrons, May it please your EXCELLENCY, As your taste in the fine arts is universally allowed and admired, permit the authors of the Infernal Magazine to lay the following sheets humbly at your Excellency's toe; and should our labors ever have the happiness of one day adorning the courts of Fez, we doubt not that the influence wherewith we are honored, shall be ever retained with the most warm ardor by, May it please your Excellency, Your most devoted humble servants, The Authors of the INFERNAL MAGAZINE, |