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give a brufhing to the beards of the old Dons," replied I. "A ftroke of the brush would shake them to pieces," infifted my wife; "they are as tender as a cobweb, I tell you; and I pofitively will not have them meddled with. Nobody, who has any regard for his ancestors, would think of pulling down a venerable fet of hangings, made in the glorious days of Queen Elizabeth." Now, I care little when a thing was made; the question is, what is it good for? and I know nothing fo much ufelefs lumber is good for, but to oblige us to keep a great many fupernumerary servants, at high wages, to look after it.

I have ftill another grievance, Sir. If you are a married mah, you may chance to know, that it is often as much as a man can do to manage his wife; but to manage one's wife and mother too, is a talk too hard for any mortal. Now, my mother, Sir, lives with us, and I am fure I have always behaved myself as a dutiful and obedient fon; her arm-chair is always fet in the best place by the fire; fhe eats of the best, and drinks of the beft, neither do I grudge it her, though the poor children's bellies are often pinched, while fhe is feafting upon nice bits: but with all this, I have much ado to keep her in good humour. If I ftir about a little more brifkly than ordinary, my mother has weak nerves, and the noife I make over her head, will throw her into fits. If I offer but to duft the books in my ftudy, my mother is afraid fome of them fhould fall upon her head. Indeed, the old lady did get an unlucky blow with one or two of them, which has fhaken her not a little. Befides which, the infits, and my wife ftands by her in it, that I fhould confult her in all matters of bufinefs; and if I do not, I am cried out againft as a graceless atheistical wretch; and a thoufand idle reports are raised, that I am going to ftrip and turn my poor old mother out of doors Then, my mother is rather particular in her drefs; and the children fometimes will be tittering and making

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game, when fhe is difplaying fome of her old fallals; upon which, my wife always infifts I fhould whip them, which I used to do pretty feverely, though, of late, I confefs, I have only hung the rod up over the chimney, in terrorem-on fuch occafions, my wife never fails to obferve, "how becoming it is in one of my mother's age to keep the fame fafhion in her drefs." This, by the way, is not true, for I remember my mother stuck all over with croffes and embroidery to her very fhoes, with ftrings of beads and fuch trumpery; yet the fays, as well as my wife, that the never changes any thing.

I am, myself, Mr. Editor, an easy, peaceable, plainfpoken man as any that exifts; and am a man of little. or no expenfe for my own gratification: yet fo it is, that, what with the large establishment of fervants, which we are obliged to have, and the continual drains upon my purse, to fupply my extravagant neighbours, I run out every year, and cannot help having many ferious thoughts and melancholy forebodings where all this may end. But I apprehend, the first step ought to be, for my wife and me to confult together, and make a reform in the family management wherever there may be occafion. If, therefore, you can perfuade her to lay afide her groundlefs jealoufies, and talk a little reafon, I fhall be highly obliged to you, and am your humble fervant, JOHN BULL.

IT

AN ARABIAN TALE.

T is very well known throughout the Eaft, that Haroun al Rafchid, Caliph of Damafcus, accompanied by Mifnou, his favourite Vizier, frequently walked through the streets and suburbs of the city by night, and in difguife. Thus he became acquainted with, and was able to correct various irregularities, which would otherwise have efcaped the vigilance of his inferior officers of juftice. One evening, the light of the moon enabled him to difcover, beneath a portico,

three

three men, whofe drefs and appearance difcovered them to be of middle rank, in clofe and ferious conference. He approached them without being perceived, and heard them making the bittereft exclamations againft their evil fortunes, which each, fpeaking of himself, declared to be without parallel.-"Can any Muffulman," said the firft, "be fo great a wretch as I am? May the Prophet never again favour his chofen tribe, if from morning till night I am not the victim of forrow and difquietude!-I have a neighbour, whofe only. ftudy is to perplex me in my dealing, to injure me in my reputation and property, and whom Alla feems to have infpired with extraordinary vigour of mind and body, for no other purpofe than to counteract my profpects of intereft or defigns of pleafure."-"Ah !”* faid the fecond, "your condition is indeed pitiable; but how much more fo is mine?-Your days alone are diftreffing to you; at night you can recline on your pillow, and find confolation in grateful flumber, forgetting your perplexities, your neighbour, and yourself; I, on the contrary, know no interval of peace-my days are haraffing, and my nights worfe.-Alas! I have a wife who eternally torments me-at my bufinefe, my meals, nay, even in my bed, her prefence difturbs, and her tongue wounds me.-I live in inceffant irritation, and have no hope of tranquillity but from death, which I am often tempted to anticipate, from the conviction that to Paradife no woman comes." "Well!" faid the third, "I have patiently liftened to you both, but am ftill convinced that my causes of affliction are yet more aggravating than either-than both of yours. I have an extravagant, profligate, worthlefs fon: in fpite of remonftrance or punishment, I have seen him advance progreffively from vice to vice, till I now fee him a difgrace to human nature, and every hour am expecting that the vengeance of Mahomet, or the laws of our country, will tremendously overtake him.” On this,

the three complainers bade each other adieu, and feparated for the evening.

"Mifnou," faid the Caliph to his favourite, "be it your care to find out who thefe men are, and fee that they fulfil my orders in full Divan to-morrow." Mifnou obeyed his master; and the three trembling Muffulmen were conducted to the Seraglio, when each, though ignorant of their imputed crime, expected the bow-ftring, or, at least, the baftinado.

When the Divan was affembled, and the Caliph on his throne was furrounded by the Imams, the Emirs, and the grandees of his court, with a loud voice he commanded the three miferables to be brought forth.— "Friend," faid Haroun al Rafchid to the first," it feems thou fayeft of thyfelf, that thy condition is eminently unfortunate; relate the caufes of thy griefs to the wife men whom thou feeft here before me."

The

man at firft was inclined to equivocate; but the Vizier pointing to the mutes, who ftood prepared with the bow-ftring, he declared that he, indeed, was of all men the most miferable, inafmuch as a wicked neighbour continually perfecuted him. As foon as he had finished his narrative, "Take that fellow," faid the Caliph, in an angry tone, to his attendants," and give him five hundred baftinadoes." The Imams, the Emirs, the Grandecs, and the Court looked at each other in aftonifhment, but faid nothing. The Caliph, whofe compofure was not in the leaft difturbed, called for the fecond miferable. "Well, friend," exclaimed Haroun al Rafchid, " and what fayeft thou? Thou art alfo, it appeareth, one of thofe whom Mahomet refufes to fmile upon." The man, having witneffed his neighbour's punishment, knew not how to act, and would willingly have held his peace; but being urged in a commanding voice, and fearing that even worfe than the baftinado would attend his obftinacy, acknowledged, with a faltering accent, that his evil génius, in the fliape of a termagant wife, made his days and nights infupportably

infupportably vexatious. "Take that fellow;" faid, the Caliph to his fervants," and give him inftantly five. hundred baftinadoes." The Imams, the Emirs, the Grandees, and the Court, a fecond time looked at each other in astonishment, but preferved the stricteft filence. At the command of the Caliph, the third man stood forth. "Muffulman," faid Haroun al Rafchid, in fomewhat of a lefs intimidating tone, "let us hear thy tale of forrow."-" Commander of the Faithful," faid the man, I perceive that thou already knoweft the forrows which opprefs my heart; nevertheless, at thy command, I, without hefitation, repeat, in the hearing of the Court, that a profligate fon has been the difgrace of my manhood, and is now the torment of my age.' "Take that honeft fellow," faid the Caliph, and immediately give him a thoufand fequins." A third. time did the Imams, the Emirs, the Grandees, and the Court look at each other in afionifhment, without. venturing to inquire the reafon of the Caliph's most extraordinary decifion.

Haroun al Rafchid, after looking upon them for fome time with complacency, rofe from his throne, and thus expreffed himfelf:

"Children of Alla," faid the Caliph," the judgment which I have this day pronounced, appears to fome of you harth and fevere, and to all of you inexplicable: hear, then, my motives, and confefs the justice and beneficence of your prince. There is but one God, and Mahomet is his prophet. Shall Muffulmen indulge in bitter exclamations against Alla for inconvenience and trouble, which their own exertions can remove?

"Shall our holy Prophet be wearied with tears and lamentations, which are only occafioned by his fervants' indolence and pufillanimity? The first man whofe cafe I heard, and whom I punished as he deferved, impeached the goodnefs of Providence, and the juftice of my government alfo, for an evil which he himself could

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