Sir And. As plain as I see you now. Sir Toby. I have been dear to him, lad; some Fab. This was a great argument of love in her two thousand strong, or so. towards you. Sir And. 'Slight! will you make an ass o' me? oaths of judgment and reason. Fab. We shall have a rare letter from him; but you 'll not deliver it. Sir Toby. Never trust me, then and by all means stir on the youth to an answer. I think Sir Toby. And they have been grand jurymen oxen and wainropes cannot hale them together. since before Noah was a sailor. Fab. She did shew favor to the youth in your sight, only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valor, to put fire in your heart, and brimstone in your liver. You should then have accosted her; and with some excellent jests, firenew from the mint, you should have banged the youth into dumbness. This was looked for at your hand, and this was baulked; the double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash off, and you are now sailed into the north of my lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem it by some laudable attempt, either of valor or policy. Sir And. An't be any way, it must be with valor: for policy I hate: I had as lief be a Brownist as a politician. Sir Toby. Why then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valor. Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him; hurt him in eleven places; my niece shall take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's commendation with woman, than report of valor. Fab. There is no way but this, Sir Andrew. Sir And. Will either of you bear me a challenge to him? Sir Toby. Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief; it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and full of invention: taunt him with the license of ink: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough for the bed of Ware in England, set 'em down; go about it. Let there be gall enough in thy ink; though thou write with a goose-pen, no matter: About it. Sir And. Where shall I find you? Sir Toby. We'll call thee at the cubiculo: Go. [Exit SIR ANDREW. Fab. This is a dear manakin to you, Sir Toby. For Andrew, if he were opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of the anatomy. Fab. And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no great presage of cruelty. Enter MARIA. Sir Toby. Look where the youngest wren of nine comes. Mar. If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves into stitches, follow me: yon' gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no Christian that means to be saved by believing rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness. He's in yellow stockings. Sir Toby. And cross-gartered? Mar. Most villainously; like a pedant that keeps a school i' the church. I have dogged him like his murderer: He does obey every point of the letter that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face into more lines than are in the new map, with the augmentation of the Indies; you have not seen such a thing as 't is; I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. I know my lady will strike him; if she do, he'll smile, and take 't for a great favor. Mar. How do you, Malvolio? it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! Mal. At your request? Yes; nightingales an- And, when she went away now, "Let this fellow swer daws. be looked to:" Fellow! not Malvolio, nor after Mar. Why appear you with this ridiculous bold- my degree, but fellow. Why every thing adheres ness before my lady? together; that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of Mal. "Be not afraid of greatness:" 't was well a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe cirwrit. What can be said? Nothing, that can be, can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked. Oli. What meanest thou by that, Malvolio? Oli. Ha? Mal. "Some achieve greatness," Oli. What say'st thou? Mal. "And some have greatness thrust upon them." Oli. Heaven restore thee! cumstance Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN. Sir Toby. Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils in hell be drawn in lit Mal. "Remember who commended thy yellow tle, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll stockings:" Oli. Thy yellow stockings? speak to him. Mal. "And wished to see thee cross-gartered." you, sir? how is 't with you, man? Mal. Go off; I discard you; let me enjoy my Mal. "Go to; thou art made, if thou desirest private; go off. [Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA. Mal. Oh, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than Sir Toby to look to me? This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in the letter. "Cast thy humble slough," says she; "be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants, let thy tongue tang with arguments of state, put thyself into the trick of singularity;" and, consequently, sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her; but Mar. Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you?-Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him. Mal. Ah, ah! does she so? Sir Toby. Go to, go to; peace, peace, we must deal gently with him; let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is 't with you? What man! defy the devil: consider, he's an enemy to mankind. Mal. Do you know what you say? Mar. La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray God he be not bewitched! Fab. Carry his water to the wise woman. Mal. How now, mistress? Sir Toby. Pr'y thee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: Do you not see you move him? let me alone with him. Fab. No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and will not be roughly used. Sir Toby. Why, how now, my bawcock? how dost thou, chuck? Mal. Sir? Sir Toby. Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 't is not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat, that is not Satan: Hang him, foul collier! the matter I challenge thee for. Fab. If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction. Sir Toby. His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man. Mar. Nay, pursue him now; lest the device take air, and taint. Fab. Why, we shall make him mad indeed. Mar. The house will be the quieter. Sir Toby. Come, we 'll have him in a dark room, and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he is mad; we may carry it thus, for our pleasure, and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him at which time we will bring the device to the bar, and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see. : Enter SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK. Fab. More matters for a May morning. Fab. Very brief, and exceeding good sense-less. SIR TOBY reads. "I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me," Fab. Good. SIR TOBY reads. "Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain." Fab. Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: Good. SIR TOBY reads. "Fare thee well; And God have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy. "ANDREW AGUECHEEK." Sir Toby. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot : I'll give 't him. Mar. You may have very fit occasion for 't; he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by-and-by depart. Sir Toby. Go, Sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a bum-bailiff: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and as thou drawest, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft, Sir And. Here's the challenge, read it; I war- that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent rant there's vinegar and pepper in 't. Fab. Is 't so saucy? sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away. Sir And. Nay, let me alone for swearing. [Exit. Sir Toby. Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less; therefore this letter, being so excellently ig "Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do norant, will breed no terror in the youth, he will call thee so, for I will shew thee no reason for 't." Fab. A good note: that keeps you from the blow of the law. find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valor; and drive the gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, "Thou comest to the Lady Olivia, and in my sight she fury, and impetuosity.. This will so fright them SIR TOBY reads. both, they will kill one another by the look, like and clear from any image of offense done to any cockatrices. Enter OLIVIA and VIOLA. Fab. Here he comes with your niece: give them way till he take leave, and presently after him. Sir Toby. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge. [Exeunt SIR TOBY, FABIAN, and MARIA. Oli. I have said too much unto a heart of stone, And laid my honor too unchary out: man. Sir Toby. You'll find it otherwise, I assure you therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath, can furnish man withal. Vio. I pray you, sir, what is he? Sir Toby. He is knight, dubbed with unhacked rapier, and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl; souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none There's something in me that reproves my fault; but by pangs of death and sepulchre: hob, nob, is But such a headstrong potent fault it is, his word; give 't, or take 't. That it but mocks reproof. Vio. I will return again into the house, and de Vio. With the same 'havior that your passion sire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I bears, Go on my master's griefs. have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valor: belike Oli. Here, wear this jewel for me, 't is my pic- this is a man of that quirk. ture; Refuse it not, it hath no tongue to vex you: Sir Toby. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury; therefore get you on, and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me, which with as much safety you might answer Vio. Nothing but this, your true love for my him: therefore on, or strip your sword stark naked; master. for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to Oli. How with mine honor may I give him that wear iron about you. Which I have given to you? Vio. I will acquit you. Vio. This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you do me this courteous office, as to know of the Oli. Well, come again to-morrow: Fare thee knight what my offense to him is; it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose. well: Sir Toby. I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return. [Exit SIR TOBY. Vio. Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter? Fab. I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more. Vio. I beseech you, what manner of man is he? Fab. Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valor. He is indeed, sir, the most skillful, bloody, and fatal opposite, that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria: Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him, if I can. Vio. I shall be much bound to you for 't: I am |