: Era. The tevil and his tam? what phrase is this, "He hears with ears?" Why, it is affectations. Ful. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else), of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and twopence a-piece, of Yead Miller, by these gloves. Fal. Is this true, Pistol? Era. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. I combat challenge of this latten bilbo : Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John? Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Era. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is! Bard. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions passed the careires. Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 't is no matter; I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. Eva. So God 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it. Enter MISTRESS ANNE PAGE with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE following. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. [Exit ANNE PAGE. Slen. O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page. How now, Simple! Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the "Book of Riddles" about you, have you? Sim. "Book of Riddles!" lend it to Alice Shortcake upon a fortnight afore Michaelmas? Why, did you not Allhallowmas last, Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz: There is as 't were, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here: - Do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I do, sir. Eva. Give ear to his motions, Master Slender; I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Eva. But this is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth; - Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,- I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must: Will you, upon good dowry, marry her? Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit till you come. Slen. I' faith, I'll eat nothing: I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin the other day with playing at Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do is to pleasure you, coz: Can you love the maid? Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt; but if you say, "marry her," I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely; his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Re-enter ANNE Page. Shal. Here comes fair Mistress Anne: -Would I were young, for your sake, Mistress Anne. Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships' company. Shal. I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. [Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR H. Evans. Anne. Will 't please your worship to come in, sir? Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily! I am very well. Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow: [Exit SIMPLE.] A justice of the peace may sometimes be beholden to his friend for a man: -I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: But what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. -- Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England: — You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. Slen. That's meat and drink to me, now: I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times; and have taken him by the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it, that it passed; - but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored rough things. Pist. Two yards and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol: Indeed I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer and ROBIN. Fal. Mine Host of the Garter of invitation; I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behav Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak schol- ior, to be Englished rightly, is, "I am Sir John arly and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a-week. Host. Thou 'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheesar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Host. I have spoke; let him follow: Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word: follow. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: An old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster: Go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive. [Exit BARDOLPH. Pist. O base Gongarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Nym. He was gotten in drink: Is not the humor conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humor of it. Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer; he kept not time. Nym. The good humor is to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call: Steal! foh; a fico for the phrase. Falstaff's." Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: Will that humor pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels. Pist. As many devils entertain; and, "To her, boy," say I. Nym. The humor rises: it is good: humor me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning glass! Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humor: here, take the humor letter; I will keep the havior of reputation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly; [To ROBIN. Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go; Trudge, plod, away, o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack! Falstaff will learn the humor of this age, French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. [Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds, And high and low beguile the rich and poor; Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk! Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humors of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin and her star. Pist. With wit or steel? Nym. With both the humors I. I will discuss the humor of this love to Page. Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold, How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, And his soft couch defile. Nym. My humor shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humor. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. SCENE IV. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY. A Room in DR. CAIUS' House. Quick. What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do i' faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience, and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. [Exit RUGBY. Quick. Go; and we 'll have a posset for 't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a seacoal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate; his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault; - but let that Peter Simple, you say your name is? pass. Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And Master Slender's your master? Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring knife? Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-colored beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you?-O, I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were? and strut in his gait? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box. Do intend what I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la cour - la grande affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Ouy: mette le au mon pocket. Depechez, quickly:- Vere is dat knave Rugby? Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Rug. Here, sir. Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:- Od's me! Quiay j'oublie? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave be hind. Quick. Ah me! he 'll find the young man there, gone; it is not good you tarry here:-by gar I and be mad! Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? -Villany! larron! [Pulling SIMPLE out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you be not so phlegmatic; hear the truth of it: He came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh. tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mrs. Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you?-Rugby, baillez me some paper: Tarry you a little-a while. [ Writes. Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy; — But, notwithstanding, man, I'll do your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master, I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself: vill cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit SIMPLE. Quick. Alas! he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat:- do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? - By gar, I will kill de jack priest; and I have appointed mine Host of de Jarterre to measure our weapon:- by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. Quick. Sir, the maid love you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to prate: What, the good-jer! Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me. — By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door:- Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt CAIUS and RUGBY. Quick. You shall have An fool's-head of your No, I know Anne's mind for that never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. own. Fent. [within.] Who's within there! ho! Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you. Enter FENTON. Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou? Quick. The better that it pleases your good worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. |