Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught much; my name is Brook. me to say this: Fal. Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are; the which hath something emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion: for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me if you will help me to bear it, Sir John, take all or half for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pursues; Fal. Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands? Ford. Never. Fal. Have you importuned her to such a purpose? Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love, then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest Fal. Speak, good Master Brook; I shall be glad to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her mirth to be your servant. so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for your many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar, I will be brief with you, - and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means as desire to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the ister of your own: that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender. Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. reg Fal. O, sir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it:-There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of woo Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her ing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir. Ford. I have long loved her, and I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given: briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel; that I have you may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honor, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand other her defenses, which now are too strongly embattled against me. John? Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Ford. O, good sir! What say you to 't Sir Terms! names! - Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the name of fiends: but cuckold; wittolcuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welchman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vita Ful. Master Brook, I say you shall. Ford. Want no money, Sir John, you shall bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than want none. Fal. Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell you), by her own appointment—even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir? Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldy knave! I know him not: him to call him poor; -yet I wrong they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money for the which his wife seems to me wellfavored. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldy rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: Master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night: Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style; thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold: come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! - My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this? - See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy!-Eleven o'clock the hour;— I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! SCENE III. Windsor Park. Enter CAIUS and RUGBY. Caius. Jack Rugby! Rug. Sir. Caius. Vat is de clock, Jack? [Exit. Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence! Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montánt. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward jack priest of the vorld; he has not shew his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian king, Urinal! Hector guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavalero Slender, of Greece, my boy! go you through the town to Frogmore. Caius. I pray you, bear vitness dat me have stay six or seven, two or tree hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wiser man, Master Doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions; is it not true, Master Page? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page. Page. 'Tis true, Master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have shewed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shewn himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, Master Doctor. Host. Pardon, guest justice: A word, Monsieur Muck-water. Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat? Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is valor, bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Englishman: Scurvy jack-dog priest ! wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. but first, master [Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humor he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields: will it do well? Shal. We will do it. Page. Shal.Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house, a-feasting: and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game, said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well? Caius. By gar, 't is good; vell said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. [Exeunt. by gar, me vill cut his ears. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Eva. I pray you now, good Master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic? Sim. Marry, sir, the city-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way the town way. but Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Shal. How now, master parson? Good-morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. Save you, good Sir Hugh! Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Eva. I most fehemently desire you, you will study them both, master parson? also look that way. Sim. I will, sir. Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I am, To shallow rivers, to whose falls To shallow. Mercy on me! I have a great disposition to cry. Melodious birds sing madrigals: When as I set in Pabylon, And a thousand vagram posies. To shallow Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh. To shallow rivers, to whose falls Heaven prosper the right!-What weapons is he? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you to do a good office, master parson ? Eva. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw. Shal. I have lived fourscore years, and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he? Page. I think you know him: Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief would tell me of a mess of poryou ridge. Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desire to be acquainted withal. Page. I warrant you he 's the man should fight with him. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! Shal. It appears so, by his weapons:- Keep Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep them asunder; here comes Doctor Caius. it in your arms. Enter HOST, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Eva. This is well; he has made us his vloutingstog. I desire you that we may be friends, and Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore vill you not meet-a me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de jack-dog, john-ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humors; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends: I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appoint this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the Host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles: - Pray you, follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II. - The Street in Windsor. Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now I see you'll be a courtier. Enter FORD. Ford. Well met, Mistress Page: Whither go Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French you? and Welch; soul-curer and body-curer. ter. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine Host of the GarAm I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my Sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so: - Give me thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. - Come, lay their swords to pawn:- Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife: Is she at home? Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company: I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Mrs. Page. Be sure of that, two other husbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weathercock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Ford. Sir John Falstaff! Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on 's name. -There is such a league between my good man Shal. Trust me, a mad host:- - Follow, gentle- and he!-Is your wife at home, indeed? men, follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and HOST. Caius. Ha; do I perceive dat? have you makea de sot of us? ha, ha! Ford. Indeed, she is. Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir; - I am sick till I see her. [Exeunt MRS. PAGE and ROBIN. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath |