51. A great nobleman, upon the complaint of a servant of his, laid a citizen by the heels, thinking to bend him to his servant's desire; but the fellow being stubborn, the servant came to his lord, and told him, your lordship I know hath gone as far as well you may, but it works not; for yonder fellow is more perverse than before. Said my lord, let's forget him a while, and then he will remember himself.

52. A witty rogue coming into a lace-shop, said, he had occasion for some lace; choice whereof being shewed him, he at last pitched upon one pattern, and asked them how much they would have for so much as would reach from ear to ear, for so much he had occasion for. They told him for so much so some few words passing between them, he at last agreed, and told down his money for it, and began to measure on his own head, thus saying; one ear is here, and the other is nailed to the pillory in Bristol, and I fear you have not so much of this lace by you at present as will perfect my bargain: therefore this piece of lace shall suffice at present in part of payment, and provide the rest with all expedition.

53. There was a captain sent to an exploit by his general with forces that were not likely to atchieve the enterprize; the captain said to him,

sir, appoint but half so many; why, saith the general? The captain answered; because it is better fewer die than more.

54. There was a harbinger who had lodged a gentleman in a very ill room, who expostulated with him somewhat rudely; but the harbinger carelessly said, you will take pleasure in it when you are out of it.

55. There is a Spanish adage, love without end hath no end; meaning, that if it were begun not upon particular ends it would last.

56. A woman being suspected by her husband for dishonesty, and being by him at last pressed very hard about it, made him quick answer, with many protestations, that she knew no more of what he said, than the man in the moon. Now the captain of the ship called the moon, was the very man she so much loved.

57. An apprentice of London being brought before the chamberlain by his master for the sin of incontinency, even with his own mistress, the chamberlain thereupon gave him many Christian exhortations; and at last he mentioned and press'd the chastity of Joseph, when his mistress tempted him with the like crime of incontinency. Ay, sir, said the apprentice; but if Joseph's mistress had been as handsome as mine is, he could not have forborn.

58. Bias gave precept, love as if you should hereafter hate; and hate as if you should hereafter love.

59. A company of scholars going together to catch conies, carried one scholar with them, which had not much more wit than he was born with ; and to him they gave in charge, that if he saw any, he should be silent, for fear of scaring of them. But he no sooner espied a company of rabbits before the rest, but he cried aloud, ecce multi cuniculi, which in English signifies, behold many conies; which he had no sooner said, but the conies ran to their burrows: and he being checked by them for it, answered, who the devil would have thought that the rabbits understood Latin?

60. A Welchman being at a sessions-house, and seeing the prisoners hold up hands at the bar, related to some of his acquaintance there, that the judges were good fortune-tellers; for if they did but look upon their hand, they could certainly tell whether they should live or die.

61. Solon compared the people unto the sea, and orators and counsellors to the winds; for that the sea would be calm and quiet, if the winds did not trouble it.

62. A man being very jealous of his wife, insomuch that which way soever she went, he would be prying at her heels; and she being so grieved

thereat, in plain terms told him, that if he did not for the future leave off his proceedings in that nature, she would graft such a pair of horns upon his head, that should hinder him from coming out of any door in the house.

63. A citizen of London passing the streets very hastily, came at last where some stop was made by carts; and some gentlemen talking together, who knew him, where, being in some passion that he could not suddenly pass; one of them in this wise spoke unto him; that others had passed by, and there was room enough, only they could not tell whether their horns were so wide as his.

64. A tinker passing Cheapside with his usual tone, have you any work for a tinker? An apprentice standing at a door opposite to a pillory there set up, called the tinker, with an intent to put a jest upon him, and told him, that he should do very well if he would stop those two holes in the pillory; to which the tinker answered, that if he would but put in his head and ears a while in that pillory, he would bestow both brass and nails upon him to hold him in, and give him his labour into the bargain.

65. A young maid having married an old man, was observed on the day of marriage to be somewhat moody, as if she had eaten a dish of chums, which one of her bridemen observing, bid her be

cheary; and told her moreover, that an old horse would hold out as long, and as well as a young one, in travel. To which she answered, stroking down her belly with her hand; but not in this road, sir.

66. There was in Oxford a cowardly fellow that was a very good archer; he was abused grossly by another, and moaned himself to Sir Walter Rawleigh, then a scholar, and asked his advice, what he should do to repair the wrong had been offered him; Rawleigh answered, why challenge him at a match of shooting.

67. Whitehead, a grave divine, was much esteemed by queen Elizabeth, but not preferred, because he was against the government of bishops, he was of a blunt stoical nature; he came one day to the queen, and the queen happened to say to

him, I like thee the better, Whitehead, because thou livest unmarried. He answered, in troth, madam, I like you the worse for the same cause.

68. Doctor Laud said, that some hypocrites, and seeming mortified men, that held down their heads like bulrushes, were like the little images that they place in the very bowing of the vaults of churches, that look as if they held up the church, but are but puppets.

69. There was a curst page that his master whipt naked, and when he had been whipt, would not