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Enter TouchSTONE and AUDREY. Touch. To-morrow is the joyful day, Audrey ; to-morrow will we be married.
Aud. I do desire it with all my heart: and hope it is no dishonest desire, to desire to be a woman of the world. Here comes two of the banished duke's pages.
Enter two Pages. 1 Page. Well met, honest gentleman. Touch. By my troth, well met: Come, sit, sit,
and a song.
2 Page. We are for you : sit i'the middle.
1 Page. Shall we clap into't roundly, without hawking, or spitting, or saying we are hoarse; which are the only prologues to a bad voice?
2 Page. And both in a tune, like two gypsies on a horse.
It was a lover, and his tass,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey; nonino, That o'er the green corn-field did pass,
In the spring time, the only pretty rank time, When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding : Sweet lovers love the spring.
9 A married woman.
This carol they began that hour,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino, How that a life was but a flower
In spring time, &c.
And therefore take the present time,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino; For love is crowned with the prime
In spring time, &c.
Touch. Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no greater matter in the ditty, yet the note was very untuneable.
i Page. You are deceived, sir ; we kept time, we lost not our time.
Touch. By my troth, yes ; I count it but time lost to hear such a foolish song. God be with you;
and mend your voices! Come, Audrey. [Exeunt.
Enter Duke Senior, AMIENS, JA QUES, ORLANDO,
OLIVER, and CELIA.
Enter RoSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE. Ros. Patience once more, whiles our compáct is You say, if I bring in if I bring in your Rosalind,
To the Duke. You will bestow her on Orlando here? Duke S. That would I, had I kingdoms to give
with her. Ros. And you say, you will have her when I bring her?
[To ORLANDO. Orl. That would I, were I of all kingdoms king. Ros. You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing?
[T. PHEBE. Phe. That will I, should I die the hour after.
Ros. But, if you do refuse to marry me, You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd ? Phe: So is the bargain. hat you'll have Phebe, if she will ?
[To Silvius. Sil. Though to have her and death were both one
thing. Ros. I have promis’d to make all this matter
Ros. You say,
Keep you your word, O duke, to give your
[Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA. Duke S. I do remember in this shepherd-boy Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.
Orl. My lord, the first time that I ever saw him, Methought he was a brother to your daughter; But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born; And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
Whom he reports to be a great magician,
Enter TouchSTONE and AUDREY. Jaq. There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark! Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.
Touch. Salutation and greeting to you all!
Jaq. Good my lord, bid him welcome: This is the motley-minded gentleman, that I have so often met in the forest : he hath been a courtier, he
Touch. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure'; I have flattered a lady; I have been politick with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
Jaq. And how was that ta'en up?
Touch. ’Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.
Jaq. How seventh cause ? Good my lord, like this fellow. Duke S. I like him
well. Touch. Sir; I desire you of the like. I press
in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country folks, to swear, and to forswear; according as marriage binds, and blood breaks :- A poor virgin, sir, an illfavoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor
humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will: Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poorhouse; as your pearl, in your foul oyster.
Duke s. By my faith, he is very swift and sententious,
Touch. According to the fool's bolt, sir.
" A stately solemn dance.
Jaq. But, for the seventh cause ; how did you the quarrel on the seventh cause?
Touch. Upon a lie seven times removed ;— Bear your body more seeming, Audrey :-as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard ; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was : This is called the Retort courteous. If I sent him word again, it was not well cut, he would send me word, he cut it to please himself: This is called the Quip modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: This is call’d the Reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I spake not true: This is call'd the Reproof valiant. If again, it was not well cut, he would say, I lie: This is called the Countercheck quarrelsome: and so to the Lie circumstantial, and the Lie direct.
Jaq. And how oft did you say, his beard was not well cut?
Touch. I durst go no further than the Lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie direct; and so we measured swords, and parted.
Jag. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lię?
Touch. O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book ; as you have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort courteous; the second, the Quip modest; the third, the Reply churlish ; the fourth, the Reproof valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with circumstance; the seventh, the Lie direct. All these you may avoid, but the lie direct; and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel : but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as, If you said so, then I said so; and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker ; much virtue in If.