Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o' the town commended him for a true Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow: well. [man. Page. How now, Meg! [Mrs. PAGE and Mrs. FORD come forward. Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George?-Hark you. [thou melancholy? Mrs. Ford. How now, Sweet Frank! why art Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. 'Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now.-Will you go, Mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you.-You'll come to dinner, George?-[Aside to Mrs. FORD.] Look, who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. Enter Mistress QUICKLY. Mrs. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: she'll fit it. [Anne? Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne? Mrs. Page. Go in with us, and see: we have an hour's talk with you. [Exeunt Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. FORD, and me. Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves; I do not think the knight would offer it. But these that accuse him, in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head. I cannot be thus satisfied. Page. Look, where my ranting Host of the Garter comes. There is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily. -How now, mine Host! Enter Host. Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him, my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight.-Will you go, Minheers? Shal. Have with you, mine Host. Page. I have heard, the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, sir! I could have told you more: in these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time with my long sword, I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you.-I had rather hear them scold than [see them] fight. [Exeunt Host, SHALLOW, and PAGE. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's fidelity, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily.-She was in his company at Page's house, and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look farther into't; and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed. [Exit. SCENE II.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: think'st thou, I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you:go. A short knife and a throng:-to your manor of Pickt-hatch, go.-You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue!-you stand upon your honour!— Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do, to keep the terms of my honour precise. I, ay, I myself sometimes, leaving the Host. How now, bully-rock! thou'rt a gentle-fear of heaven on the left hand, and hiding mine Cavaliero Justice, I say. man. Enter SHALLOW. Shal. I follow, mine Host, I follow.-Good even, and twenty, good Master Page. Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand. Host. Tell him, Cavaliero Justice; tell him, bully-rock. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh, the Welsh priest, and Caius, the French doctor. [with you. Ford. Good mine Host o' the Garter, a word Host. What say'st thou, my bully-rock? [They go aside. Shal. Will you [to PAGE] go with us to behold it? My merry Host hath had the measuring of their weapons, and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear, the Parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. [guest-cavalier? Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to Pist. I do relent: what would'st thou more of Enter ROBIN. Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you. Enter Mistress QUICKLY. Quick. Give your worship good-morrow. Quick. Not so, an't please your worship. Quick. I'll be sworn; as my mother was, the first hour I was born. Fal. I do believe the swearer. What with me? Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? Fal. Two thousand, fair woman; and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing. Quick. There is one Mistress Ford, sir:-I pray, come a little nearer this ways. I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius. Fal. Well, one Mistress Ford, you say,Quick. Your worship says very true:-I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears :-mine own people, mine own people. Quick. Are they so? Heaven bless them, and make them his servants! Fal. Well: Mistress Ford ;-what of her? Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature: but your worship's a wanton: well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray! Fal. Mistress Ford;-come, Mistress Ford,— Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long of it. You have brought her into such a canaries, as 'tis wonderful: the best courtier of them all, when the Court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary; yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best, and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart, and, I warrant you, they could never get an eyewink of her. I had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels, (in any such sort, as they say,) but in the way of honesty: -and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all; and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her. Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury. Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and Fal. Ten and eleven? [eleven. Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; he's a very jealousy man; she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart. Fal. Ten and eleven.-Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her. Quick. Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to your worship : Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too;-and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife; and one (I tell you) that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other : and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home, but she hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely, I think you have charms,-la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other Quick. Blessing on your heart for't! [charms. Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? Quick. That were a jest, indeed!-they have not so little grace, I hope :-that were a trick, indeed! But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves: her hus | | band has a marvellous infection to the little page; and, truly, Master Page is an honest man Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, all is as she will; and, truly, she deserves it, for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Quick. Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any case, have a nayword, that you may know one another's mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing: for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness; old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both. There's my purse; I am yet thy debtor.-Boy, go along with this woman. This news distracts me. [Exeunt QUICKLY and ROBIN. Pist. This is one of Cupid's carriers.Clap on more sails; pursue, up with your fights: Give fire! She is my prize, or ocean whelm [Exit PISTOL. them all! Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Enter BARDOLPH. Bard. Sir John, there's one Master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack. Fal. Brook, is his name? Bard. Ay, sir. Oal. Call him in. [Exit BARDOLPH.] Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such liquor. Ah! ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress | Page, have I encompassed you ? go to ; via ! Enter BARDOLPH with FORD disguised. Ford. 'Bless you, sir. Fal. And you, sir: would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you. Fal. You're welcome. What's your will ?—— Give us leave, drawer. [Erit BARDOLPH. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much : my name is Brook. [tance of you. Fal. Good Master Brook, I desire more acquainFord. Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you, for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are; the which hath something embolden'd me to this unseason'd intrusion; for, they say, if money go before all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. [the hearing. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me Fal. Speak, good Master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,---I will be brief with you, and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection; but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own, that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself Fal. Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell you) by her own appointment; even as you Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir. parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir? Ford. I have long lov'd her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engross'd opportunities to meet her fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her: not only Fal. Hang him, poor knave! I know him not. bought many presents to give her, but have-Yet I wrong him, to call him poor: they say, given largely to many, to know what she would have given: briefly, I have pursu'd her, as love hath pursued me, which hath been, on the wing of all occasions: but whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none, unless experience be a jewel; that I have purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this:"Love like a shadow flies, when substance love Fal. Have you receiv'd no promise of satisfaction at her hands? Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I erected it. [to me? Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place and person, generally allow'd for your many war-like, courtlike, and learned preparations. Fal. O, sir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it.-There is money; spend it, spend it: spend more; spend all I have, only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. Ford. O understand my drift. She dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to be look'd against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her, then, from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly embattled against me. What say you to't, Sir John? Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Ford. O good sir! Fal. Master Brook, I say you shall. Ford. Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none. the jealous knave hath masses of money, for the which his wife seems to me well-favour'd. I will use her as the key of the rogue's coffer, and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shali hang like a meteor o'er his horns: Master Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt Ford. What an Epicurean rascal is this!-My SCENE III.-Windsor Park. Caius. Vat is de clock, Jack? Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promis'd to meet. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come: he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come. By gar, Jack Rugabie, he is dead already, if he be come. Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, sir! I cannot fence. Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE. Host. 'Bless thee, bully Doctor. Shal. 'Save you, Master Doctor Caius. [for? Page. Now, good Master Doctor. Slen. 'Give you good-morrow, sir. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully-stale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian king! a Hector of Greece, my boy. Caius. I pray you, bear vitness zat me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wiser man, Master Doctor. He is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies: if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page. Page. 'Tis true, Master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have show'd yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, Master Doctor. Host. Pardon, guest-justice :-a [word,] Monsieur. Caius. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat? Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapperde-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it. [wag. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him Caius. Me tank-a you for dat. Host. And, moreover, bully-. But first, master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is in, and I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well? Shal. We will do it. Page, Shal., and Slen. Adieu, good master Doctor. [Exeunt PAGE, SHAL., and SLEN. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest, for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. I Host. Let him die. But first sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler. Go about the fields with me through Frogmore; will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a feasting, and thou shalt woo her: said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank-a you vor dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page: said I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugabie. [Exeunt. Sim. [Coming forward.] Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh. Eva. He's welcome. To shallow rivers, to whose falls— Heaven prosper the right!-What weapons is he? Sim. No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and Slender. Shal. How now, Master Parson! Good-morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. 'Save you, good Sir Hugh. Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What! the sword and the word? do you study them both, Master Parson? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you to do a good office, Master Parson. Eva. Ferry well: what is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw. Shal. I have lived fourscore years, and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he? cowardly knave, as you would desires to be ac- Shal. It appears so, by his weapons.-Keep them asunder :-here comes Doctor Caius. Enter Host, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Page. Nay, good Master Parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good Master Doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question : let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear verefore vill you not meet-a me ? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: in good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends. I will knog your knave's cogscomb [for missing your meetings and appointments.] Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugabie,-mine Host de Jarretière, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed. I'll be judgment by mine Host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say! Guallia and Gaul, French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good; excellent. Host. Peace, I say! hear mine Host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my Doctor? no; he gives me the potions. Shall I lose my Parson? my Priest? my Sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the noverbs.[Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:]Give me thy hand, celestial; so.-Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty; your skins are whole; and let burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn.--Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. [men, follow. Shal. Trust me, a mad host.-Follow, gentleSlen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt SHAL., SLEN., PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ha! Eva. This is well; he has made us his vloutingstog.-I desire you, that we may be friends, and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the Host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart. He promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles.-Pray you, follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-A Street in Windsor. Enter Mistress PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant: you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether had you rather, lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O! you are a flattering boy: now, I see, you'll be a courtier. Enter FORD. Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife: is she at home? Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,-two other husbands. [cock? Ford. Where had you this pretty weatherMrs. Page. I cannot tell what his name is my husband had him of.-What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on's name. -There is such a league between my good man and he! Is your wife at home, indeed? Ford. Indeed, she is. Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir: I am sick, till I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. PAGE and ROBIN. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her! A man may hear this shower sing in the wind:-and Falstaff's boy with her!--Good plots!-they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so-seeming Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actæon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff. I shall be rather prais'd for this, than mock'd; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, Sir HUGH EVANS, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Page, Shal., &c. Well met, Master Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knot. I have good cheer at home, and I pray you all go with me. Shal. I must excuse myself, Master Ford. Slen. And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have linger'd about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope I have your good will, father Page. Page. You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you:-but my wife, Master Doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love-a me : my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holyday, he smells April and May: he will carry't, he will carry't. Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way. Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Ford. Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go Master Doctor, you shall go:-so shall you, you? Master Page;-and you, Sir Hugh. |