be fecured in the storms of adverfity, and liften without danger to the fyrens of temptation; when in the fatal hour of my prefumption, fitting alone in my chamber, collecting arguments on the fide of paffion, almost distracted with doubts, and plunging deeper and deeper into falsehood, I saw Sir George Freelove at my feet, who had gained admittance, contrary to my orders, by corrupting my landlady. It is not neceffary to describe to you his arts, or the weak efforts of that virtue which had been gracioufly implanted in my heart, but which I had taken impious pains to undermine by falfe reafoning, and which now tottered from the foundation: fuffice it that I fubmitted to the humiliation I have fo well deserved; and tell you, that, in all the pride of human reafon, I dared to condemn, as the effect of weakness and prejudice, the ftill voice of conscience which would yet have warned me from ruin; that my innocence, my honour, was the facrifice to paffion and fophiftry; that my boafted philofophy, and too much flattered understanding, preferved me not

from the lowest depth of infamy, which the weakest of my fex with humility and religion would have avoided.

I now experienced a new kind of wretchedness. My vile feducer tried in vain to reconcile me to the fhameful life to which he had reduced me, by loading me with finery, and lavishing his fortune in procuring me pleafures which I could not tafte, and pomp which feemed an infult on my difgrace. In vain did I recollect the arguments which had convinced me of the lawfulness of accepting offered pleafures, and following the dictates of inclination: the light of my understanding was darkened, but the fenfe of guilt was not loft. My pride and my delicacy, if, criminal as I was, I may dare to call it fo, fuffered the most intolerable mortification and disgust, every time I reflected on my infamous fituation. Every eye feemed to upbraid me, even that of my triumphant feducer. O depth of mifery! to be confcious of deferving the contempt of him I loved, and for whofe fake I was become contemptible to myself! Y

Tduring a year which I paffed in Sir

HIS was the ftate of my mind

George's houfe. His fondnefs was unabated for eight months of the time; and as I had no other object to fhare my attention, neither friend nor relation to call off any part of my tendernefs, all the love of a heart naturally affectionate centered in him. The first dawnings of unkindness were but too vifible to my watchful eyes. I had now all the torments of jealousy to endure, till a cruel

FRANCIS.

certainty put an end to them. I learnt at length, that my falfe lover was on the brink of marriage with a lady of great fortune. I immediately refolved to leave him; but could not do it without first venting my full heart in complaints and reproaches. This provoked his rage, and drew on me infolence, which though I had deserved, I had not learnt to bear. I returned with scorn, which no longer became me, all the wages of my fin, and the trappings of my fhame, and left his

house

houfe in the bittereft anguish of refentment and defpair.

I returned to my old lodgings; but unable to bear a fcene which recalled every circumstance of my undoing, afhamed to look in the face of any creature who had feen me innocent, wretched in myself, and hoping from change of place fome abatement of my mifery, I put myself into a poft-chaife at two in the morning, with orders to the driver to carry me as far from town as he could before the return of night, leaving it to

him to chufe the road.

My reafon and my fenfes feemed benumbed and ftupified during my journey. I made no reflections on what I was about, nor formed any design for my future life. When night came, my conductor would have stopped at a large town, but I bid him go on to the next village. There I alighted at a paultry inn, and dismissed my vehicle, without once confidering what I was to do with myfelf, or why I chose that place for my abode. To fay truth, I can give no account of my thoughts at this period of time; they were all confufed and diftracted. A fhort frenzy must have filled up thofe hours, of which my memory retains fuch imperfect traces. I remember only, that without having pulled off my cloaths, I left the inn as foon as I fave the day, and wandered out of the village.

My unguided feet carried me to a range of willows by a river's fide, where after having walked fome time, the freshnefs of the air revived my fenfes, and awakened my reafon. My reafon, my memory, my anguish and defpair, returned together! Every circumftance of my past life was prefent to my mind, but moft the idea of my faithlefs lover and ry criminal love tortured my imagination, and rent my bleeding heart, which, in fpite of all it's guilt and all it's wrongs, retained the tenderest and most ardent affection for it's undoer. This unguarded affection, which was the effect of a gentle and kind nature, heightened the anguish of refentment, and completed my mifery. In vain did I call off my thoughts from this gloomy retrofpect, and hope to find a gleam of comfort in my future profpects. They were ftill more dreadful: poverty, attended by infamy and want, groaning under the cruel hand of oppreffion and the taunts of infolence, was before my eyes. I,

who had once been the darling and the pride of indulgent parents, who had once been beloved, refpected, and admired, was now the outcast of hunian nature, defpifed and avoided by all who had ever loved me, by all whom I had most loved! hateful to my felf, belonging to no one, exposed to wrongs and infults from all!

I tried to find out the cause of this difmal change, and how far I was myfelf the occalion of it. My conduct with refpect to Sir George, though I fpontaneously condemned, yet, upon recollection, I thought the arguments which produced it would justify. But as my principles could not preferve me from vice, neither could they fuftain me in adverfity: confcience was not to be perverted by the fophiftry which had beAnd if any, by clouded my reason. imputing my conduct to error, thould acquit me of guilt, let them remember, it is yet true, that in this uttermost diftrefs, I was neither fuftained by the confcioufnefs of innocence, the exultation of virtue, nor the hope of reward: whether I looked backward or forward, all was confufion and anguifh, distraction and defpair. I accufed the Supreme Being of cruelty and injuftice, who, though he gave me not fufficient encouragement to refift defire, yet punished me with the confequences of indulgence.

If there is a GOD,' cried I, he muft be either tyrannical and cruel, or re'gardless of his creatures. I will no longer endure a being which is undefervedly miferable either from chance or defign, but fly to that annihilation in which all my profpects terminate. Take back,' faid I, lifting my eyes to Heaven, the hateful gift of existence, and let duft no more be animy mated to fuffering, and exalted to mifery.'

So faying, I ran to the brink of the river, and was going to plunge in, when the cry of fome perfon very near me made me turn my eyes to fee whence it came. I was accofted by an elderly clergyman, who with looks of terror, pity, and benevolence, asked what I was about to do. At first I was fullen, and refused to answer him; but by degrees the compaffion he showed, and the tendernefs with which he treated me, softened my heart, and gave vent to my

gracious figns, and unlike those which ⚫ first drew my attention, and made me 'watch you unobserved, fearing fome fa'tal purpose in your mind. What must be the thoughts which could make a face like yours appear the picture of horror! I was taking my morning ' walk, and have seen you a confider• able time; sometimes stopping and wringing your hands, fometimes quickening your pace, and sometimes walking flow with your eyes fixed on 'the ground, till you raifed them to heaven, with looks not of fupplication and piety, but rather of accufation and defiance. For pity tell me how is it that you have quarrelled with yourself, with life, nay even with "Heaven? Recal your reafon and your hope, and let this feasonable preven'tion of your fatal purpose be an earneft to you of good things to come, of GOD's mercy not yet alienated from you, and ftooping from his throne to fave your foul from perdition.'

The tears which flowed in rivers from my eyes while he talked, gave me fo much relief, that I found myself able to tpeak, and defirous to express my gratitude for the good man's concern for me. It was fo long fince I had known the joys of confidence, that I felt furprifing pleasure and comfort from unburthening my heart, and telling my kind deliverer every circumftance of my ftory, and every thought of my diftra&ted mind. He thuddered to hear me upbraid the Divine Providence; and stopping me fhort, told me, he would lead me to one who fhould preach patience to me, whilft fhe gave me the example of it.

As we talked, he led me to his own houfe, and there introduced me to his wife, a middle-aged woman, pale and emaciated, but of a cheerful placid countenance, who received me with the greateft tenderness and humanity. She faw I was diftreffed, and her compaffion was beforehand with my complaints. Her tears flood ready to accompany mine; her looks and her voice expreffed the kindest concern; and her affiduous cares demonftrated that true politeness and hofpitality, which is not the effect of art but of inward benevolence. While The obliged me to take fome refreshment, her husband gave her a fhort account of my story, and of the ftate in which he

had found me. This poor lady,' faid he, from the fault of her education and principles, fees every thing through

a gloomy medium: fhe accufes Provi'dence, and hates her existence for those evils which are the common lot of mankind in this fhort ftate of trial. You, my dear, who are one of the greatest fufferers I have known, are beft qualified to cure her of her faulty 'impatience; and to convince her, by your own example, that this world is not the place in which virtue is to 'find it's reward. She thinks no one fo unhappy as herself; but if the knew all that you have gone through, the would furely be fenfible, that if you are happier than the, it is only because your principles are better.'

Indeed, my dear Madam,' faid she, that is the only advantage I have over you; but that, indeed, outweighs every thing elfe. It is now but ten days fince I followed to the grave my only fon, the furvivor of eight children, who were all equally the objects of my fondeft love. My heart is no lefs tender than your own, nor my affections lefs warm. For a whole year before the death of my laft darling, I watched the fatal progrefs of his disease, and faw him fuffer the most amazing pains. Nor was poverty, that dreaded evil to which you could not fubmit, wanting to my trials. Though my husband is by his profeffion a gentleman, his income is fo finall, that I and my children have often wanted neceffaries: and though I had always a weakly conftitution, I have helped to fupport my family by the labour of my own hands. At this time I am confuming, by daily tortures, with a cancer which muft fhortly be my death. My pains, perhaps, might be mitigated by proper afliftance, though nothing could preferve my life; but I have not the means to obtain that affiftance. O hold,' interrupted I,

my foul is fhocked at the enumeration of fuch intolerable fufferings. How is it that you fupport them? Why do I not fee you, in despair like mine, renounce your existence, and put yourself out of the reach of torment? But, above all, tell me how it is poffible for you to preferve, amidst 'fuch complicated mifery, that appearance of cheerfulness and ferene

⚫ complacency