but she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man; surely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. 5 Quic. Blessing on your heart for't. Ful. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? Quic. That were a jest indeed!-they have not so 10 little grace, I hope:-that were a trick, indeed! But mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves'! her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and, truly, master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in 15 Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and, truly, she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. must send her your page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Ford. I make bold, to press with so little preparation upon you. Fal. You're welcome: What's your will? Give us leave, drawer. [Exit Bardolph. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you"; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which had something embolden'd me to this unseason'd intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help me to bear it, sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be You 20 your porter. Quic. Nay, but do so then: and,look you,he may come and go between you both; and, in any case, have a nay-word', that you may know one another's 25 mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them 30 both: there's my purse; I am yet thy debtor.Boy, go along with this woman.This news distracts me! [Exeunt Quickly and Robin. Pist. This pink 'is one of Cupid's carriers;- all! Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the 40 expence of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee: let them say, 'tis grossly done, so it be fairly done, no matter. Enter Bardolph. Bard. Sir John, there's one master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack. Fal. Brook, is his name? Fal. Call him in: [Exit Bardolph.] Such Brooks 1 Re-enter Bardolph, with Ford disguis'd. Ford. Bless you, sir. Fal. And you, sir: Would you speak with me Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,—I will be brief with you;-and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but good sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith' you yourself know, how easy it is to be such an offender. Fal. Very well, sir, proceed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir. Ford. Ihave long lov'd her, and, I protest to you, bestow'd much on her; follow'd her with a doting observance; engross'd opportunities to meet her; fee'devery slight occasion, that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many pre45 sents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, 50 meed®, I am sure, I have receiv'd none'; unless experience be a jewel; that I have purchas'd at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this: Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pursues, Pursuing that that flies, and flying rehat pursues. Fal. Have you receiv'd no promise of satisfaction at her hands? 55 Ford. Never. Ful. Have you importun'd her to such a promise? 4 3 Of all loves, signifies no more than to send him by all means. 2 That is, a watch-word. A pink is a vessel of the small craft, employed as a carrier for merchants. Fights are cloaths hung round the ship to conceal the men from the enemy, and close-fights are bulk-heads, or any other shelter that the fabrick of a ship affords. A cant phrase of exultation common in the old plays. Meaning, pot with a view of putting you to expence. That is, since. That is, reward. Ford. Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? 5 Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth 10 her mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance', authentic in your place and person, ge-15 nerally allow'd' for many war-like, court-like,| and learned preparations. Fal. O sir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it:-There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend 20 all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemence of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. 25 Ford. O, understand any drift! she dwells so se-30 curely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be look'd against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had 'instance and argument to commend themselves; 135 could drive her then from the ward ofherpurity,her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which are now too strongly embattled against me: What say you to't, sir John? Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Ford. O good sir! Fal. Master Brook, I say you shall. Ford. Want no money, sir John, you shall want none. Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not-yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the jealous wittoly knave hath masses of money; for the which, his wife seems to me well-favour'd. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. I Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Ful. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife.-Come to me soon at night:Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold:-come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damn'd Epicurean rascal is this!— My heart is ready to crack with impatience.--Who says, this is improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him, the hour is fix'd, the match is made:Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abus'd, my coffers ransack'd, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittol! cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welchman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be prais'd for my jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour;-I will prevent this, detect my wife, be reveng'd on Falstaff, and laugh at Page: I will about it;-better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! 45 cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! 40 Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell you) by her own appointment; even as you 50 came in to me, her a sistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. you know Ford, sir? Do 155 SCENE III. Windsor Park. Caius. Jack Rugby? Caius. Vat is the clock, Jack? [Exit. Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that sir Hugh promis'd to meet. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be comie. Meaning, admitted into all, or the greatest companies. example. Meaning, the defence of it. 2 Allowed is approved. 3 Instance is Rug Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew, your worship] would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack'; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. Enter Host, Shallow, Slender, and Page. Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. Shal. 'Save you, master doctor Caius. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? 5 ja wise and patient churchman; you must go with me, master doctor. Host. Pardon, guest justice:-A word, monsieur mock-water'. Caius. Mock-vater! vat is dat? Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much mock-vater as de Englishman:-Scurvy-jack-dog-priest! by 10gar, me vill cut his ears. 15 Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin', to see Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest 5 Caius. I pray you bear vitness dat me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. ! Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he 30 is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair" of your professions: is it not true, master Page? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. 35 Shal. Body-kins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the 40 sons of women, master Page. Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have shew'd yourself 45 a wise physician, and sir Hugh hath shewn himself Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Caius. By gar, me do look he shall clapper-declaw me; for, by gar, me vill have it. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Host. And moreover, bully,-But first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Ślender, go you through the town to Frogmore? [Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about the fields: will it do well? Shall. We will do it. All. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-a-nape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farm-house a feasting; and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game, said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page, said I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vel said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. [Exeunt. 3 To foin, was the ancient term for making a thrust in fencing, or tilting. Stock is a corruption of stocata, Ital. from which language the technical terms that follow, are also adopted. We must remember, to make this joke relish, that the elder tree has no heart. Probably this expression was made use of in opposition to the common one, heart of oak. * The reason for calling Caius bully Stale, and afterwards Urinal, must be sufficiently obvious to every reader. Castilian and Ethiopian, like Cataian, appear in our author's time to have been cant terms. This is a proverbial phrase, and is taken from stroking the hair of animals a contrary way to that in which it grows, and is of similar import with that now in use, against the grain. Perhaps by mock-water, is meant counterfeit. The water of a gem is a technical term. Dr. Warburton thinks it should be read thus, CRY AIM, said I well? i, e. consent to it, approve of it. Have not I made a good proposal? for to cry aim signifies to consent to, or approve of any thing. The phrase was taken originally from archery. Mr. Steevens defends, however, the present reading, and conjectures, that cry'd game might mean in those days-a profess'd buck, one who was as well known by the report of his gallantry, as he could have been by proclamation. 7 ACT Era. SCENE I. Frogmore. A CT Enter Evans and Simple. I PRAY you now, good master Slender's 5 serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physick? Simp. Marry, sir, the Pitty-wary', the Parkward, every way; old Windsor way, and every 10 way but the town way. Eva. I most feheniently desire you, you will also look that way. Simp. I will, sir. Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I am, 15 and trempling of mind!-I shall be glad, if he have deceiv'd me: how melancholies I am!- -1 will knog his urinals about his knave's costard, when I have good opportunities for the 'ork:'pless my soul ! [Sings. 20 By shallow rivers, to whose falls Melodious birds sing madrigals; There will we make our peds of roses, And a thousand vragrant posies. By shallow 'Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. By shallow 25 [Hugh. 30 Simp. Yonder he is coming, this way, sir Eva. He's welcome: By shallow rivers, to whose fulls— Heaven prosper the right!-What weapons is he? Simp. No weapons, sir: There comes my mas-35 ter, master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender. Shal. How now, master parson? Good-morrow, good sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it wonderful. Slen. Ah sweet Anne Page! is Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatick day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, master parson. Eva. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike, having receiv'd wrong by some per Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. Eva. Got's will, and his passion o' my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,—and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withal. Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! Enter Host, Caius, and Rugby. Shal. It appears so, by his weapons:-Keep them asunder;-here comes doctor Caius. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English, Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore vill you not meet-a me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and will one way or other make you amends:-I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscombs, for missing your meetings and appoint- · ments. Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugby,-mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? 40 have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French 45 and Welch, soul-curer and body-curer. 50 55 Cuius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politick? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my sir Hugh? no; he gives me the pro-verbs, and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand,terrestrial; so:—Give me thy hand, celestial: so.-Boys of art, I have deceiv'd you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn: The old editions read, the Pittie-ward, the modern editors, the Pitty-wary. There are now no places answering to either of these names at Windsor. Follow Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. Shal. Trust me, a mad host.-Follow, gentlemen, follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt Shal. Slen. Page, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha! ha! The gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind!and Falstaff's boy with her!- -Good plots!5 they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrow'd veil of modesty from the so seeming mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actæon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim'. The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Fal staff: I shall be rather prais'd for this, than mock'd; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, 15 that Falstaff is there: I will go. Eva. This is well: he has made us his vloutingstog.—I desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on 10 this same scald, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray you follow. SCENE II. The street in Windsor. Enter Mistress Page and Robin. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant: you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O, you are a flattering boy; now I see, you'll be a courtier. Enter Ford. Ford. Well met, mistress Page: Whither go you? Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife; is she at home? 20 25 30 Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang toge-35 ther, for want of company: I think if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,-two other husbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cock? 40 Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Mrs. Page. He, he! I can never hit on's name. There is such a league between my good man and he!-Is your wife at home, indeed? Ford. Indeed she is. Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Evans, and Caius. Shal. Page, &c. Well met, master Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and, I pray you, all go with me. Shal. I must excuse myself, master Ford. Slen. And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have linger'd about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope I have your good-will, father Page. Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you:-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar, and de maid is love-a-me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holy-day, he smells April and May: he will carry 't, he will carry 't; 'tis in his buttons'; he will carry 't. Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her sim45 ply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way. Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will shew you a mon Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir;-I am sick 'till 50 ster.-Master doctor, you shall go-so shall I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Robin. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? sure they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot point blank 55 twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's inclination; shall encourage. you, master Page;-and you, sir Hugh. Shal. Well, fare you well:-we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's. ho Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my nest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. 2 'Scall was an old word of reproach, as scab was afterwards. Seeming is specious. 3 That is, That is, in an high-flown, fustian style. It was called a holy-day style, from the old custom of acting their farces of the mysteries and moralities, which were turgid and bombast, on holy-days. This alludes to an old custom among the country fellows, of trying whether they should succeed with their mistresses, by carrying the batchelor's buttons (a plant whose flowers resemble a coat-button) in their pockets; and they judged of their good or bad success, by their growing, or their not growing there. Having is the same as estate or fortune. 01 6 Ford. |