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that social felicity, that sway of reason, that emancipa-
7. Accept those doctrines, and the government of
From the French of MASSILLON. (1717 — 1742.
XLVI. - BREVITIES.
EXERCISES IN LEVEL OR COLLOQUIAL DELIVERY.
COM'PASS (kům'pass), n., space ; an | VOY'AGE, n., a journey by sea.
instrument by which ships are PAT'TEN, N., a sort of shoe.
SUP'PLI-ANT, n., a humble petitioner.
MA-RINE' (-reen), a., helonging to
1. THE DULL RAZOR. "? Does this razor go easy ?” asked a barber of his eustomer, who was writhing les under a clumsy instrument, the chief recommendation in of which was a strong handle. -"Well," replied the
poor fellow," that depends upon what you call this operactici ation. If you 're skinning me, the razor goes tolerably quile easy; but if you're shaving me, it goes răther hard.”
“Does n't it take hold?" asked the barber. “Yes, it takes hold, but it won't let go," replied the victim. Arfix mana
2. How TO RUIN YOUR HEALTH. - A humorous contact writer gives the following rules for ruining health: Stop in bed late. Eat hot.
Eat hot.suppers. Turn day into night, and night into day. Take no exercise. Always ride when you can walk. Never mind about wet feet. Have half a dozen doctors. Take all the medicine they give you. Try every new quack. If that doesn't kill you, quack yourself.
3. CARRYING A JOKE TOO FAR. – A fellow stole a saw, and on his trial told the judge that he only took it in joke. “How far did you carry it?" inquired the judge. “Two miles," answered the prisoner.—“Ah! that's carrying a joke too far!” said the judge; and the prisoner was sentenced to hard labor, in the House of Correction, for three months.
4. Too OFFICIOUS. L " Your house is on fire!” exclaimed a stranger, rushing into the parlor of a pompous and formal citizen.-“Well, sir," replied the latter, “ to what cause am I indebted for the extraordinarynicien 's interest which you seem to take in the affairs of my house?”
5. Making THE BEST OF THings. 7." I have told you,” says Southey, “ of the Spaniard who always put on spectacles when about to eat cherries, in order that the fruit might look larger and more tempting. In like manner I make the most of my enjoyments; and though I do not cast my eyes away from my troubles, I pack them in as small a compass as I can for myself, and never let them annoy others.”
6. FATE OF IDLERS. The man who did not think it was respectable to bring up his children to work
has just heard from his three sons. One of them is a
another has been taken up as a yurvagrant; and the third has gone to a certain public
institution, to learn to hammer stone, under a keeper.
7. REBUKING ARROGANCE.+ When Abernethy was heddli canvassing for the office of surgeon ́to St. Barthol
omew Hospital, in London, he called upon a rich
your life.” Abernethy, who hated humbugs, and
8. OPPOSITION TO REFORM. —"I do not mean,"—said the Rev. Sydney Smith, at a meeting, on the Reform Bill, —“I do not mean to be disrespectful; but the attempt of the Lords to stop the progress of reform, reminds me very forcibly of the great storm of Sidmouth, and of the conduct of the excellent Mrs. Partington on that occasion. In the winter of 1824, there set in a great flood upon that town; the tide rose to an incredible height; the waves rushed in upon the houses, and every thing was threatened with destruction.
“In the midst of this sublime and terrible storm, Dame Partington, who lived upon the beach, was seen at the door of her house, with mop and pattens, trundling the mop, squeezing out the sea-water, and vigorously pushing away the Atlantic Ocean. The Atlantic was roused. Mrs. Partington's spirit was up; but I need not tell you that the contest was unequal. The Atlantic Ocean beat Mrs. Partington. She was excellent at a slop or a puddle, but she should not have
meddled with a tempest. Gentlemen, be at your ease; be quiet and steady. You will beat Mrs. Partington.”
9. MURDERING A TUNE. -Foote once asked a man without a sense of a tūne in him, “Why are you for
16 Because it hare was the reply. — “No wonder," said Foote ; "you are forever murdering it.”
10. THE QUAKER'S RETORT. -- A Quaker and a hotheaded youth were, on a recent occasion, quarreling in the street. The man with the broad-brimmed hat kept his temper most ēquably, which seemed but to increase the anger of the other. “Fellow," said the latter, with an oath, “I don't know a bigger fool than you are.” “Stop, friend," replied the Quaker, " thou dost forget thyself.” 11. ON EARLY RISING.–Said Lord Chatham to his
on the curtains of your bed, and the walls of your chamber, 'If you do not rise early, you can make progress in nothing. If you do not set apart your hours of reading, if you suffer your, self or any one else to break in upon them, your days will slip through your hands unprofitable and frivolous, and unenjoyed by yourself.””
12. A STUPID QUESTION. — Professor Porson, being once at a dinner party, where the conversation turned
son : « I would internet
the world, an ignorant young man, in order to contrib-geia
have ute his mite toward the general conversation, asked the professor, thoughtlessly, “ Pray, sir, was Cook killed on his first voyage ?” –“I believe he was,” answered Porson, “ though he does not seem to have minded it much; for he immediately entered on a second."
13. THE JUDGE AND THE LAWYER. On a certain occasion, when pleading a cause at the bar, Lawyer angung
Brooks observed to Judge Rice, that he would con-
not lay: hens lay.”
XLVII. — THE DYING TRUMPETER.
FIELD-MAR'SHAL, n., the commander | VIC-TOʻRIA, n., a Latin word, meaning
It gives him life and vigor ; bildi!
He grasps his horse's mane ;
To his dying lips again.
And all his strength he găthers