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Effects of. Fashionable Education, "1763, I received from Squire Hopeillustrated in the History of Billy ful, our hero's furber, a pressing Hopeful.
-invitation to dimer. I had already
been his purochial schoolmaster TO THE EDITOR.
:upwards of four years, without reSIR,
ceiving any similar attention, or CONSIDERABLE time agn, indeed any attention whatever. I A ac made acquainted with my eventful count for the honour nosv confer. thistory as a Teachers. As my prin- ired, and it more than once occurcipal attention: has always been di- 'Ted to me, that the company was Teeted to the classics; Liknow little to consist of a batch of drunken or nothing of chemistry, and hence farmers in the neighbourhood, aut my admirable plan of Polite Educa- that poor:Malcolm was invited to tión, formerly binted at, is very be the butt of the company. De much in statu quo. On applying the event or the intention what to several igentlemen of chemical they might, I deemed it prudent celebrity, I find no difference of to accept the invitation. Having opinion as to the practicability, and put on my best coat, my triple advantage of the plan. The only cocked hat, my fringed musim difference of opinion exists as to cravat, my ribbed black and white the mode of applying this admira- stockings, my priest-gray waist'ble scheme. One thinks it may be coat, and a pair of new slioes pur·best effected by a shock of Electric chased expressly for the occasion ; city, another by an Injection, and a and having made above fifty resoluthird thinks it may be i most suc- . tions not to get tipsy, I repaired to cessfully administered in a Magurem bis honour's at the hour appointed. Bonum. In the mean time, till I. On entering the room, to my
can bring my plan to maturity, I very great surprise, I found the think. I cannnt better serve all company consisted of Squire HopeFranks of society, than by sketch- fal, his son Billy, a natural son ing the education and- biography named Horatio, and Misses Eupheof Billy Hopeful.
mia, Dorothea, Jemima, Clemen• I am, Sir, yours, &c,
tina, Xantippe, and Penelope, all Malcolm MDOMINIE. antiquated maiden aunts or cousins, Ilth Jun. 1812.
of the right worshipful family of
thei Hopefuls. Such a sight totalBilly HOPEFUL was an only son, · ly disconcerted me, and to tell the whose mother died when he was truth, might have disconcerted a
three years old. By his father he much greater adept in the art of i had the prospect of an .estate, bowing than ever I could pretend - worth L2.500. a year. His uncle, to be. I therefore made niy awk. sho inherited the family estate, ward bow as well as I could, and shad reached the wrong side of fifty, instantly seated myself on my and was still unmarried, so that our centre of grasity on the nearest young hero, on the demise of his chair. This first embarrassment father and uncle, lad a fair pro- -over, I soon found myself tolerably spect of succeeding to sat least easy, as the gentleman himself, and L.4000 a year, i besides considera- i the ladies, were extremely attensble expectations from z maiden tive. It now occurred to me (for 3a unts, grandi aunts, &c.
I was at that time a good looking Some time in the summer of young fellowr) that bis honour, hai
sent for me, in order to offer me from a human mouth, adding, with the hand of one or other of said uncommon emphasis, that it would ladies, with a situation in the cus be monstrously shocking to treat a tom house or excise.
legitimate like an illegitimate child. Dinner at last appeared, and Finding it needless to argue the after it a bottle of wine, when the matter farther, I told him he was Squire relieved my anxiety by ad- the best judge, and could take 'his dressing me as follows. "Mr own way. I took my leave as soon MacDominie, I have heard that you as decency permitted. At the are a sehollard, thoff I am no great time appointed Horatio was sent to judge of them kind of things. My school, and by the time he was natural son Horatio (a boy about fourteen, had made himself master five) I mean to place under your of all the inferior branches of educare. The ordinary schoolfees are cation, necessary for business, be68. a year, but I mean to allow you sides a sufficient knowledge of the 10s. which, you know, is very Greek and Roman classics. He handsome." I nodded assent. I was bound apprentice to a merchcontinuation he informed me, that ant of some eminence, who in prohe had boarded him with an old cess of time, gave him a 'small woman within a few yards of my share of the concern, as a reward school, at 2s. per week. That his for his industry and honesty. From brother Billy's old clothes would one step to another he gradually serve him, well enough, and that the ascended, and at the age of forty cumulo expenee of the boy might had secured. a handsome compebe about seven pounds per annum. tence with which he retired and
This important affair being set- purchased a small estate near the tled, he told me he wished to take spot of his nativity. You would my opinion on a matter of infinite not imagine he had one drop of the importance, namely, the education blood of the Hopefuls in his veins, of his son and heir Billy; and for he never seduced a female, having descanted on the youth's broke a porter's head, demolished great expectations, the antiquity a lamp, fought a duel, or killed a and heroic deeds of his ancestors, fox in his life. &c. &c. asked me ingenuously what Our hero Billy was only three I would do, were I in his place!. months younger than his illegitiHe made a solemn pause, and the mate brother Horatio." : From the ladies were all attention. If the great tenderness of his friends, and boy were mine, said I, I would the infinity of different plans daily send him along with Horatio, and suggested for his polite and genteel treat them exactly alike.
education, he was allowed to gallop What a scene followed. The about, with servant to attend Squire was completely petrified, him, till he was nine years old, or rather horrified. Miss Jemįmá before any thing decisive was refainted. Miss Clernentina's eyes solved on. The sextumvirate (if peeled in her head with indigna : I may use an Iricism) of ladies tion, and the other ladies quitted-. before mentioned, were so much
the room with precipitation. After attached to him, that they could this hurly burly was appeased, not bear him out of their sight, and and Misses Jemima and Clementina · as they lived together in one house had left us, the Squire told me, I in the genteel town of- - where had said a more impolite and im- there was an academy, he was at proper thing, than ever proceeded last put under their charge. No
thing was omitted, which could bear him cough, without betraying contribute to his case or comfort. any symptom of uneasiness. The The warmest seat and the choicest chairman, servant, and private tumorsel were always selected for tor were dismissed; his pocket him. Two- chairmen were con- money was reduced from three stantly in readiness to convey him guineas, to three shillings per week, to and from the academy, which and he was constrained to attend stood at the distance of twelve the academy regularly. yards. A servant carried his books, "To any boy, but particularly to and a private tutor thought and our hero, who was hardened in instudied for him. When there was dulgence, dissipation and idleness, the least cold or damp in the air, such a sudden change would have he was carefully kept at home; and been insupportable ; and he did not even in summer, it was nothing fail to resent it by every means in uncommon to see him stuffed up in his power. He stole their prayer three pair of stockings, and half a books, broke their toothpicks, dozen comforters.
burnt their wigs, demolished their Four years had now rolled on, spectacles, and fixed pins, and whilst our hero, instead of making heckle-teeth in the cushions of the progress, had actually retrograded, chairs, by which the posteriors of in his studies. The least symptom the whole sextumvirate were seof uneasiness on his part, was riously injured. But his most notenough to throw the whole female able manauvre was played off on sextumvirate into convulsions, and Miss Jemima, into whose tobacco to this artifice our hero had re- pipe he put a quantity of gun-pow. course almost every hour of the der, which exploded, and deprived day. It is recollected by sorre old her of the sight of the righi eye, people, that during the four years besides setting her head dress on aforesaid, he ate ten thousand fire, to the imminent danger of her oranges, five thousand pounds of life. Our 'heto was turned out of confectionaries, and was the terror doors, where he collected a rabble of all the cats, kittens, lap dogs, of his worthless associates, broke and young children in the town. every window in the house, and · At this period, a great and im- went directly home to complain to portant crisis took place, in our his father of the barbarous treathero's affairs. His father re-en- ment he had received. “But the tered the holy state of matrimony, fate of the transaction had gone and his uncle in a month after also before him, and his father very took unto himself a wife. Thus properly received him with a horsewere our hero's prospects annihio whip, locked him up all night in lated at one blow. It now bên the cellar, and set but next morncaine probable that, instead of being ing with him to an academy at one of our hereditary Fo.c-hunters, the distance of 300 miles. and Legislators, he would be obliged Young Billy had now attained To elbow his way in the world, a- his 14th year, and continued in mong the industrious ranks of man- this new situation till he had comkind, and it therefore became ne. pleted his 17th with as little effect cessary to give him a substantial, ra. as ever: when he returned home, ther than a polite education. The he could do neither one thing nor female sextumvirate now no longer other, and his father" was totally looked on him as the prop and re- at a loss how to act, when by acci. presentative of the family, and could dent he fell in with Mr MacSyco
phant, who undertook to complete which plunged after him and literal-
The was now quite tired of a war, waval Tactics, Dancing, and the like life, and wished to be Captain Manual Exercise.
of a merchant vessel, to which, as At the end of the six months, he he had learned Navigation, there accompanied Billy, to luis father's could be no possible objection, and bouse, and delivered him up a com- his father got him appointed to plete gentleman and scholar. His the command of a ship of 200 tons; kather at first seemed to doubt the bound to Quebec from Leith. AF flattering account, but Mr MacSy- ter taking in a sufficient quantity cophant" (like. Tristram Slundy's of compasses, quadrants, telescopes, bull,) put so grave a face on the azimuths, astrolabes, &c. they set matter, that it was impossible to sail, round the north of Scotland, doubt a word he said. The father but the first land our hero fetched was nearly as, great a numskull as was the Cape of Good Hope. Here the son, and could not detect him; the crew deserted the vessel, and the son had more siyness than ex- becoining urgeņt for their wages, pose himself; and as no body else qur, young. Navigator sold the ship had any busioess to interfere, the and cargo to the highest bidder, matter passed current not only foc Having paid the crew, they took a fact, but prodigy
their passage in a vessel bound to
and Kargu to the bist Edventige, and log book, and obtained a des Yu wil sea by mi Lug Buk; witch cree against the whole owners, of I hafsint by Tomas Gons mi Mat, the ship and cargo, with full. ex: that I prelurmed wunders. I sal pences of process. citurn ovr land furst hopertunty, Our hero's father was never, and akunt to yu for the nat porseeds less in humour with polite and gen, of the Vasal and Kargu. Ekspektin teel education than at present. Had to sea yu shun,
Mr MacSycophant fallen into his “ I am, Dir Feather, Yur hands, he would certainly have torn
“ Efekshoned Sun, him to atoms. Fortunately he was “ Willa Hoprul.” 70 miles distant; but the diploma
he had given young, Billy, along This polite epistle will be per: with a letter he had written hiş fectly intelligible to such of your father, on bis appointment to the readers as have received a genteel ship, and in which he declared our education, though it may be totally, hero as well qualified to be a above the comprehension of those Naval commander as any man in who have been educated in the sub- Europe, were produced before the stantial and vulgar way. This lug Court. Such a scene was never buk, (as he calls it) was kept in presented to any Judicature. My the same polite style. I shall here, MacSycophant's character of our for the instruction of the polite part hero was in the most unqualified ut your readers, make a few extracts and hyperbolic strain of panegyric, from it.
whilst his letter and log book, spoke Garnal of a Vag from Lith to a very different language. Indeed Kebek.
our young naval commander kept
such a journal as never had, and “ Gune 5d 170055. Salled from probably never will have, any parLith with a fir wund. Gune 6t, at allel in Europe, for he often reckNun, by absarfeshon fund wi wer oned the easterly variation of the in letude 67 dicrees, 95 minits compass as high as 395o. north. Wund du Waist, Gune 7st As thus truly laughable and ridicupaced the Pantalan Furth, wund lous scene was re-echoed, in the disEst and by Suth. Gune 8st, no ab- fereat newspapers from one end of sarfeshon. Sky cludi and havi shurs. the kingdom to the other, Mr MacGune 9rd at Nun, ajustit the Kad- Sycophant thought it high time to rant, and Assimuth Kompace, fund decamp. Under pretence of bad the letude 70 dicrees, and 63 min, health, he returned to his native its North Lonjetud 9 dicrees, 122 country, France, having in the minits Est. &c. &c. &c.”
course of 10 years realized a forNo words can do justice to the tune of L.15,000. It was discoveremotions of the father on receipted when too late, that his system of this letter, Three fifths of the of education was so rapid and genship and cargo belonged to the fa. teel, that it could serve no earthly mily of the Hopefuls, and as more purpose whatever. than two years had elapsed since Our hero being assured that Brithe ship was heard of, complote tain was an island, and that it was payment of both ship and cargo impossible to return to it by land, had been recovered from the un- was very much at a loss how to act, derwriters, who now instituted a He was at present in possession ot process for repayment, and obliged about L.3,000 from the sale of the Billy's father to produce said letter ship and cargą. He therefore de.